Finding My Path – Part 9: I’m a Quitter
When I started my Path Finder journey in April of this year, I wasn’t sure where it was leading me. I knew I was unhappy, and I needed help. I wanted someone to guide me forward, toward a life better lived. I really thought it would be a magic bullet. I figured after the 30 day course I would know what I wanted and how to get there. Of course, as any sane person would know, that wasn’t the case.
The Path Finder course invigorated me, encouraged me and woke me up…but it did not give me an answer. And I don’t think that was its purpose. Its purpose was to show me what I loved about the life I already had. You guys, I had a great life. I still do.
I love being with my children. I love taking photos that show how wonderful the world can be. I love writing. I love blogging. I love being creative with my hands. I love making things. I love sleeping more than four hours per night. I love living on my own schedule. I love making other people smile. I love spending time with my husband. I love being proud of my work.
I don’t love long meetings. I don’t love writing dry, government proposals. I don’t love sitting at a desk for 10 hours a day. I don’t love my kids being overwhelmed because they are exhausted from 10+ hours of school/daycare per day. I don’t love feeling like my brain is made of scrambled eggs because it’s too overloaded. I don’t love saying no to things I want to do, because there is a long list of things I have to do.
I worked hard all spring, summer and fall, building up my freelance client base and finally (FINALLY) making this blog a priority. I had been writing here for seven years before I ever really attempted to promote it using social media, friends and family. I was afraid of my work…embarrassed really, and stepping out of that little cocoon I’d made for myself was not easy. All of a sudden there were “real” people reading here. People liking my work on Facebook. People re-tweeting my posts. It was terrifying. What if I’d made a mistake? What if I wasn’t good enough and everyone could see it? What if, what if, what if?!
Right when I was at my breaking point, I stumbled upon Andrea Scher’s Cultivating Courage class and I knew it was the right move for me. For 30 days I made a habit of being brave and sharing with a supportive group of people who were my virtual cheerleaders. These people, and Andrea, have made my world a brighter place. I did things I never thought I’d do. I stood up to an unsupportive family member. I asked people to help me. I admitted my failures. And my most recent brave move?
I quit my full time job.
Yep, I did it. And, oh my goodness, it’s f’ing scary. We are losing my income, our stability and my routine. I am going from a full time working mom, to a part time working mom / part time stay home mom…and that’s something we’ve never envisioned for our family. I will be working for Trent’s company 20 hours a week, staying home with Tate and Lu, and continuing the work I’ve started here, on this blog. For my husband, it’s a step toward making his company a bigger force in it’s field. For me, it’s a chance to be free, a chance to build my creative endeavors so that when he sells his company I will be able to make a leap forward into a real creative career. Like I said, scary. And wonderful.
I want to say thank you. Yes you. Thank you for being here and reading along as I write my life story. The next chapter begins soon…
(See my entire journey, here.)
