Stuck in a Moment - Crazybananas

Song of the Moment: Empty Room by Majorie Fair

Do you ever have one of those time spans where you just feel crappy? Not necessarily depressed or sad, but just….well, just nothing. That’s how I’ve been feeling for the past month or so, and I can’t quite place what my problem is or what may have initiated this stupid feeling of emptiness. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not feeling like this every moment of every day, just spurts here and there. I find it’s happening the most when I’m alone and I find my mind wandering back to things that have been done and over for many, many years. Old disagreements, situations, people I’ve lost, both good and bad, keep finding their way back in to my psyche, and I can’t seem to force them back.

Now it’s starting to affect my physical health as well. I’m finding myself with colds that are lasting the entire summer and headaches that never really seem to dull. I’m not sure if my emotional well-being is affecting my health or vice versa, but I don’t like it one bit. I’m sure anyone reading this who has hung out with me lately is probably a bit confused, as I haven’t been acting like a goth-emo-kid who listens to suicide rock in her room, but that’s just how I deal. Put on a happy face for the world, get my shit done and then move on. I don’t have the time or energy to sit around moping, and I can’t bear to put my mood on everyone else. Besides, I have some people in this world who depend on me, and if I can’t put on a brave face for them, then nothing else really matters. I mean, how do you look at this, and not smile?

I’m not writing this to freak anyone out. In fact, I’m not writing this for anyone, but me. I just needed to put these thoughts out in to the universe, so maybe they will stop swirling around in my head. Also, I’m taking a break from the blog for a bit. I may post another summer playlist soon, but as far as musings and writings go, I’m on hiatus. I leave in a week for a much needed vacation, the first time I’ve been away for more than three days in over 4 years. I need this. I need to refocus. Re-evaluate. And get my shit together. Wish me luck.