Nerd Herd Thursday: Everybody Poops Edition

Look, two weeks in a row! I’m kicking this theme day’s ass!

OK, really I couldn’t think of anything to write that fit this nerd category. So I’ll tell you a story about potty training. That’s sort of nerdy, right?

Last week we started a new phase in the raising of the child, training her to use the toilet instead of crapping in her pants. I’ve had a bunch of mom friends and other people who apparently are interested in this stuff ask me how it’s going, and I guess I’d say it’s going pretty well. Especially since I’m not really the one training her.

See, Lucy goes to this progressive school in our neighborhood run by a Russian woman. This school is the absolute most wonderful place on the planet, second only to Disneyland, and that’s just because they have the spinning teacups. It’s hard to compete with spinning drink ware. Her Russian teacher is the exact stereotype of what you are probably picturing in your mind, strict, sharp and no nonsense. But the kids freaking love her. I guess there is some credence to the idea that kids like to be disciplined, because Lu loves her teacher and really has thrived since we sent her there.

All of this leads us back to potty training. Last week the teachers at school started taking Lu to the potty, although she was still in diapers. On Friday I was informed it’s underwear only from this point on, diapers will only be worn during naptime. Then I promptly forgot about this request until Sunday night on my way out to my friend Hayley’s house in Nowheresville, Kansas.

Trent and I spent a good portion of the drive to Hayley’s arguing over which Target was closer, and when I won (naturally) we headed in to the store to stock up on teeny, little panties that I assumed would be in the trash by the end of the week. There was only one problem. Apparently most kids Lu’s size aren’t potty trained, or if they are, refuse to use plain underwear. We couldn’t even find any with just shapes and boring colors on them. There were DORA! underwear and PRINCESS! underwear and THOMAS THE TRAIN! underwear and ELMO! underwear. All at the lovely price of $8.99 a pack. Granted, I’m normally not a total cheap ass, but hell, these underwear were going to ruined within hours and thrown away. What if I just keep her in diapers and throw $8.99 in the trash. Same thing, right?

So of course the only ones that Lucy wanted were the underwear with Thomas the Train, Elmo or the Transformers, and apparently, according to whomever designs children’s underwear, these are inappropriate themes for little ladies, as the aforementioned characters only came in boys briefs. Trent thought we should get them anyway, but I figured the Russian teacher would look at us a bit strangely when she took Lu to the potty and there was a hole in her underpants meant for a little man’s willy.

So we ended up with Dora, My Little Pony and mermaid underwear. And since then I have realized having a toddler in potty training is the same as having a newborn, the fear to go anywhere with the child is back with a vengeance. I’m so afraid Lu is going to pee all over a shopping cart or a stroller or a restaurant seat, we haven’t left the house in days.

And if being held hostage by Ariel underwear isn’t nerdy, I don’t know what is.