Insufferable

So, I run now.

I know, I know. I can’t believe it either. And I feel a bit like a tool even saying anything about it, because whenever I’d see or hear people going on and on about their half marathon or the Iron Man they are training for, I wanted to punch them in the nose. We get it, you’re healthy and we are not and someone get me some ice cream and beer, right-effing-now!!!

But after my 29th birthday and some other life changes, I found myself wanting to see what my body could really do. Not only that, but find ways to make me and my body happier. I tried to remember what I did at 5, 10, 15, 20 years old that made me really and truly happy, and then found ways to incorporate these actions in to the life I have now. Which, let’s face it, isn’t easy. I have a high stress job, two kids, a home, a husband who is running his own company…there is not time for anything extra in my life. During one critical moment in the work world last week I found myself saying to my boss, “I can do a lot of things, but I cannot add time to a clock!”

I knew it would be hard, but I found myself needing to try new things again. I had made such a big deal about not caring about my looming 30th birthday, but I realized it’s not that I don’t care, I just don’t feel negatively about it. I’m happy and excited, but I also have realized that time is surely fleeting. Do you have wise friends? I do. And one of them told me this:

“I realized that this is it. This is my life. I didn’t know what I was waiting for.”

That stuck. My life is happening. I need to live it. And live it hard.

I started slow…the day after my birthday I decided to give up alcohol for a month. It was easier than I thought, so I started going to the gym three times a week, taking my dad’s advice and planning workouts at least once a week during my lunch hour. I learned how to climb the rock wall at my gym and tried to find other activities that would be fun and challenging. As I kid, I rode horses (hunt seat) competitively, so I found a stable near my office and now ride twice a month over my lunch break.

It was during one of these lunchtime workouts that I ran my first 5K without stopping. I looked down at the treadmill and couldn’t believe it! And in a crazy haze of post run euphoria, I signed up for my first race. It’s in less than two weeks, and I am still stunned that I’m going to do this. I’ve even started plotting a possible half marathon in 2012. Who am I? I feel like I may be possessed by pod people.

Of course, I’m doing other things too, like journaling regularly, getting more sleep, prioritizing my social life, but it’s the running that really seems to be pushing me. I’m inspired when I run. I feel powerful and weak all at the same time. I love the quiet of it. I love being alone with my body and my thoughts and my tunes blasting in my earbuds.

….to be continued.