Four Months

Dear Tate,

Today you are officially four months old. Four months ago you came in to our world, a world that can now not be imagined without your smiling mug in it. Before December 20, 2010, I worried (aloud, in private, right here on the Internet where no one can hear you scream) how your entrance in my life and the lives of those around me would shake up our happy existence. And time after time, parents more seasoned than I told me I couldn’t comprehend how awesome and altering adding another child to my family would be. “Your heart will grow in ways you never expected,” they said. I scoffed at their clichéd musings and worried some more. But my oh my, were they right. Clichés be damned.

This month our situation has changed in almost every way that it could. I am no longer home with you on maternity leave. We no longer start our day at a snail’s pace, making our way out of the house to take Lulu to preschool by 10 a.m. (if we were lucky). Our days aren’t filled with trips to Target, the park, or the mall. We spend less time in bed watching daytime TV and giggling. My face isn’t the one that is with you most of your daytime hours. To say it has been hard is a grave understatement. But Tate, your very self has made this transition all the more simple.

You love your daycare, both the people who work there and the other babies. You are old enough now you interact with those around you, laughing and smiling at the elderly woman at the daycare center who is usually holding you when I show up for your mid-morning feeding. You lay on blankets with the other babies and laugh at each other, sometimes even holding hands. Lucy finds this to be hilarious and is constantly referring to your “girlfriend,” another little one who you seem to like the best. My little ladies man. Look out females of the world, Tate is on the prowl.

This month you have really grown into your belly laugh, which reminds me quite a bit of your sister’s at this age. Your toothless grin is wide and joyful, your little eyes squinting into slits as you burst into laughter. You have officially noticed the world around you, staring out the window in our kitchen at the dog or whatever else might be outside. You love long walks, and have discovered the pure awesomeness of the swing set at our neighborhood park. I imagine our summer will be filled with time outside, and I think of how lucky you are, to have an older sister who forces us to leave the house. Because, little man, if it were up to me, we’d probably just cuddle in bed all weekend. And while that would be fun, you seem to like watching soccer games from the sidelines a bit more.

Tater, you really are a wonder. Thank you for making the transition back to work so easy for me. Thank you for smiling when I walk into daycare to pick you up, and not crying when I leave. Thank you for being easy-going and flexible, alleviating so much of the guilt I was afraid would take hold as soon as my days were spent in my office instead of with you. Thank you for continuing to nurse, as that was something I was so scared we’d be unable to continue once we started this phase of our relationship. Thank you for being you.

Kisses,
Mama