Finding My Path – Part 5: On “To Do” Lists

I am such a Type A person, it’s almost frightening. I have big problems just leaving things as is. I want to polish them up a little…you know? Make ’em shine. But in the past few years, that has really, really hindered me. I spend more time making “To Do” lists full of items I “must” complete (in a timely manner, of course) than I spend doing what I really love. I have been teased for years by my family for my absolute inability to not send a thank you card. Or a birthday card. Or a bat mitzfah card. Or a new baby gift. You get the point. I just want people to know how much I appreciate them in my life or how much I support them during a difficult time. And heck, sometimes I just want to make them smile. Trust me, I know all of these things are wonderful. I love feeling like I’ve made someone’s day with a little note of thanks or love. I mean, who doesn’t love getting mail?

But this “have to do” mentality has slowly crept into every facet of my life. Is there a free moment? Let’s design some new templates for the blog! Tate is napping on a Saturday afternoon? I should probably clean out the entire linen closet and reorganize by color! My schedule is so jam packed I find myself still sitting at my desktop at 11:30 at night, after working a full 12 hour day at the real life job? Well, hell, let’s write a post so I’ll be a bit ahead of schedule.

You get the idea.

I have a hard time saying no. When someone needs help with something, whether it be to proofread a brochure or to teach them how to use Photoshop, I want to help. I have been very lucky to have some amazing teachers along the way, and I want to pay it forward. So I’ve said yes, for years and years. The problem is, when you say yes all the time, people start to expect it. They are annoyed when you can’t help and pissy when you are unable to assist them. And then you feel more pressure and worry you’re upsetting everyone. It’s a lose-lose situation.

So, lately, I’ve been tossing the “To Do” list. Sure, I still take photos for friends or help out when needed with a project, but I’m learning to live as a Type B person. I mean, I still haven’t sent thank you cards for Lulu’s birthday, and at this point, I probably never will. Two weekends ago, Trent was home from work and we were so lazy, we were almost unrecognizable. Trent started to get a bit restless, feeling like he’d wasted the whole weekend. But me? I spent the weekend loving on my husband and kids. We went wherever we wanted, whenever we wanted. We didn’t do a bit of yard work or house work or errands. I freaking loved it.

Sure, Monday I was scrambling, but I’m learning it’s okay to be behind on your “To Do” list. Like, really, really behind. So if I owe you a thank you, please consider this my note of gratitude. Thank you. You’re the best.