Dreading the Dance-Off

Let’s just get this out of the way…I’m not a dancer. Or a singer. Or talented in any form of performance art. Although I do find myself screaming along to Paramore songs in my car, I’ll only do it when I’m alone, to save the eardrums of the innocent. I acted in a few plays in high school, but I usually played the goofy friend or had the part that was basically just a human prop (“Girl Sitting at Cafe Table”). Once I was a member of a cast that acted out a skit in a high school pagent. It was the Mr. MHS pagent, and my contestant was a guy who did a mean Chris Farley impression, so his talent was acting out the skit about “the van down by the river.” I played the sarcastic female child, sitting on the couch with my arms folded. It deserved an Oscar, I was totally snubbed. At least my guy won the pagent.

[Sidenote: Trent and I flew back from Tennessee on Saturday, and while we were waiting for our luggage, Trent turned to me and said, “I think we went to high school with that guy.” And we spent 10 furious minutes trying to figure out who he was. Then, while awkwardly sitting in close quarters on the shuttle to the airport parking lot, Trent said, “Isn’t that Drew {insert last name here}?” Yes, yes it was. And not only was he in my class, but he was the aforementioned Mr. MHS contestant who could do a mean Chris Farely impression. And then I refused to say hi to him because I was embarrassed. Totally rational, I know.]

Since that fabulous acting debut, which reserved me quite the primary spot in our high school yearbook, I haven’t done much thespian work. My biggest performance since would have to be last year’s Cabaroke experience, in which Mikayla and Trent sang along to Christmas tunes and I bobbed my head in the background. So imagine my horror when I recieved an email from my mother-in-law, explaining that not only would we be playing enough board games this Christmas Eve to make my head explode, there would also be a karaoke machine AAANNNDDD a talent show. With a trophy. And people who have talent. And me.

So when I saw this video today on another site, I vowed to participate fully in said talent show (after several glasses of wine). Because once they see me in all my fancy pants glory, I will never have to worry about exhibiting talent again. It was like looking in a mirror to see what everyone else sees when I claim I can breakdance.

What a way to end my storied performance career.