This article made me laugh so hard that I had three people stop outside my office today to make sure I was okay. They rip democrats, republicans, entertainers, “reality” stars, political pundants, writers…even O.J. isn’t spared. I’ve pasted a few exerpts from the article below to entice you to read the entire thing here.
I will warn you, it’s not nice stuff. But if you’re offended, then you’re taking yourself way to seriously.
Barack Obama – Promised not to run for president, then did; vowed to take public election funds, then didn’t; backed telecom immunity, then accepted the nomination at the AT&T sponsored convention; expressed displeasure with Clinton’s hawkish foreign policy and vote for war in Iraq, then named her as Secretary of State.
Rev. Wright – Seriously, you don’t think the U.S. government could do a better job than AIDS? AIDS takes years to kill, spreads relatively slowly, and kills white people all the time. A CIA super-virus that can’t beat Magic Johnson? Unlikely.
Joe the Plumber – In a lot of ways, Samuel Wurzelbacher really does represent the average American—basing economic opinions on unrealistic expectations of personal future success, blaming his failure to meet those expectations on minorities and old people, complaining about deadbeats getting his taxes when he isn’t actually paying his taxes, and advertising his own rudimentary historical and mathematical ignorance by warning of creeping socialism in a country whose highest income tax rate has dropped by half in thirty years.
Dick Cheney – Still alive. The amount of medical resources devoted to keeping this black hole of decency operational could have cured cancer by now, but if they had, Cheney would make sure to keep it a secret.
Alan Greenspan – Refusing to accept any blame for years as the housing bubble, long-predicted by out-of-favor economic realists, bloated and burst, only recently has Greenspan accepted even marginal responsibility, admitting only that he was “partially†wrong, professing a state of “shocked disbelief†that lenders couldn’t regulate themselves, and thinking to himself, “This isn’t how it worked in Atlas Shrugged!â€
George W. Bush – One good thing about him, though, is that he has no real interest in politics, and probably won’t give a flying shoe what happens to the world when his term is up.
John Edwards – And anybody knows that no nominee’s secret affair could survive the scrutiny of general election season—no Democratic nominee’s, anyway—so Edwards was knowingly jeopardizing the future of the world on the off chance the Enquirer reporter following him around, who already knew about the affair, wouldn’t find anything concrete. But hey, it’s not so bad, because, as Edwards stressed, his wife’s cancer was in remission when he began the affair. Classy guy.
The Clintons – Still around. Still married. Still rich. Still acclaimed. Still influential. Still sought. Still sanctimonious. Still aggrieved. Still phony. Still compromised. Still petulant. Still striving. Still self-pitying. Still self-important. Still important.
Sarah Palin – If you want to know why the rest of the world is scared of Americans, consider the fact that after two terms of disastrous rule by a small-minded ignoramus, 46% of us apparently thought the problem was that he wasn’t quite stupid enough.
You – You think it’s your patriotic duty to spend money you don’t have on crap you don’t need. You think Hillary lost because of sexism, when it’s actually because she’s just a bad liar. You think Iraq is better off now than before we invaded, and don’t understand why they’re so ungrateful.You think God zapped humans into existence a few thousand years ago, although your appendix and wisdom teeth disagree. You like watching vicious assholes insult each other on TV. You support gun rights, because firing one gives you a chubby. You cuddle falsehoods and resent enlightenment. You think the fact that 43% of whites could stomach voting for an incredibly charismatic and eloquent light-skinned black guy who was raised by white people means racism is over.
