Me: I bet you can’t do one day without teasing me about my clumsiness.
Him: {laughs, shakes head}
Me: You know what, I bet you can’t go one day without making fun of me at all. And that includes my penchant for spilling things, my love of anything supernatural (including werewolves, vampires and aliens), the noise I make when I wake up in the morning that sounds like a dying dinosaur or my current state of giant bellydom!
Him: {silence}
Me: See? It’s impossible.
Lately I’ve been all about the positivity here on this site and all other online areas. For such a long time I was just such a drain on the web…just wah wah wah wah about everything and anything. So much so that I even created the Grumples section on this site. But as my life changed and I (ahem) matured, I tried to make a concerned effort to keep my grumpy ranting to myself, instead focusing on my glass being half full.
But listen, people, I haven’t sleep through the night in MONTHS and the baby isn’t even here yet! So, damnit, I’m grumpy. And maybe if I just get it all out, I will feel better.
A few weeks back Trent took Lucy with him on a Secret Shopping excursion that he was participating in with one of his company’s partners. He had asked how I felt about Lucy’s participation, as this Secret Shopper experience was to take place at a pediatrician’s office (hence, the need for Lu to attend). I told him I wasn’t totally comfortable with it, but if he thought it was a good idea, I’d let him make the call. Note: This was a mistake. I should always make the call. The office apparently didn’t have separate waiting rooms for sick and well patients, and about two days later Lu came down with the WORST COLD EVER. Now, Trent will tell you that this cold could have come from anywhere, preschool, dance class, the playplace at the local Chic-Fil-A….that’s crap. It obviously came from this damn doctor’s office. How do I know? Because THIS IS ALL TRENT’S FAULT AND BECAUSE I SAID SO.
Side-effects of aforementioned cold equal not sleeping, coughing, sneezing, coughing, coughing, sounding like a cat with a hairball, and never-ending whining. Also, Lu wakes up at approximately 3:30 or 4 a.m. every morning coughing and crying. Now, if it was 2 a.m. or earlier, I would just dose her with some nightime cough medicine and send her on her merry way. I am an awesome parent. But as it’s later (earlier?) I can’t give her said medicine because the kid will then be knocked out and won’t get up for school on time. Which means I’m late for work, since I do preschool pick up and drop off. Which means I walk into yet ANOTHER meeting late and pregnant and hungry and grumpy and obviously I’m promoted and given a raise. Or not. More like not.
In order to try and avoid the nightime wake up we have tried the following: Nightime cough medicine before bed, cough suppressent, a humidifier in her room at night, a humidifier with cough reducing vapor stuff, Vicks vapor rub (both on the chest and on the feet like the crazy Internet told me to), a spoonful of honey, ice cold water, sacrificing my soul to satan and just ignoring the coughing until she finally almost chokes herself and throws up in her bed. Again, I am an awesome parent. You can just stop applauding now.
Obviously, the above treatments have not worked, as she keeps ending up in our bed at the same time, coughing her little head off. And by that point in the evening, I have probably already gotten a smashing 3 hours of sleep due to the hourly pee breaks I must take as Taco John performs karate in my stomach. I’m all, “Grasshopper, you need to chillax,” and he’s all “Eff you lady, hi-yaaa!” She lays in our bed, between the two of us, and it goes like this. Coughing fit, begs for water, coughing fit, 5 minutes of quiet, I start to fall asleep, she starts singing, I wake again, she asks for water, she tells me I’m pretty, coughing fit, starts talking about random crap that happened at school, coughing fit. Repeat.
Now, on top of all of that, she wants me to look at her, 2 inches from her face as she coughs. When I roll over with my back to her, she cries, “Mommy, I need you to look at meeeeeee!” And so I roll back over and she coughs in my face.
After about two hours of this, the coughing batteries run out and she falls asleep. As soon as she’s out, she rolls over and snuggles up with Trent, where they both remain until I attempt to wake them as I run out the door to work. After I tell them to get up about eleventy billion times, turn on all the lights, noisily get ready for the day, I finally shake them both and say, “I’m leaving. You figure out how to get to school on your own.” Then they both bounce up, oh no no no, you can’t leave!!! We need you!
At this point I usually bribe Lu to get dressed using jellybeans. Then we fight over what she is going to wear for about 15 minutes. Even though we pick out her outfits the night before and agree on them. Doesn’t matter. It’s always a battle. And she’s tired and sick, so it’s even worse. If it’s not one of three favorite dresses, I’m pretty much screwed. The other day she went to school in sweatpants, jelly sandals and a rhinestone studded thermal t-shirt.
I don’t think I’ve mentioned what an awesome parent I am.
Point being (really? I guess…) today I was talking to Trent’s mom on the phone. She wants to take Lu to her farm for a few days and I was warning her it may not be very fun with Sickly McSickpants coughing all night. She said to me, “Oh I heard. Trent said between you peeing all night and Lucy’s coughing, he isn’t sleeping very well.”
Really?
REALLY??!?!?!?!?!!!
Next time she wakes up coughing, I’m literally going to take her to our bed, place her coughing face right in front of Trent’s and take off for the nearest Holiday Inn. Just try and stop me.
Lately I’ve gotten a ton of grief from people regarding Trent and I’s inability to come up with a name for Taco John. The most famous question is, “So, what names are on your list?” And the truth is, we don’t have a list. We’ve never had a list. While most of my friends that are married with kids talked with their significant others before they wed about baby names, 401K plans, future living plans, etc., Trent and I never really had that conversation. I mean, for us, it all just kind of happened. It was pure dumb luck that I loved the name Lucy and his mother’s name was Lucinda. That was (and still is) the only name we both ever agreed on.
Don’t get me wrong, I have a list. My list is lovely, if I do say so myself. The names just roll off your tongue and I would be happy for my son to wear any of them. What girl do you know that hasn’t thought about what she would “someday” name her kids? Even if it isn’t serious, you know the thought has entered their minds at some point, regardless of whether it is fleeting.
That’s where things become a bit difficult. I’ve had certain ideas of what I’m going to name my kid since I was a kid myself, and here comes this yahoo to ruin all my plans. (The yahoo is Trent….you got that, right? Just checking.) And this extends way beyond naming the little rugrats. Things like religion, family, work, life, activities…these are issues that Trent and I are literally tackling as they arise. And sometimes it takes a while to figure out where we fall as a family. Maybe this is something everyone struggles with, but for us, I feel like the struggle is more obvious. The worst part for me is the realization that he has as much of a right as I do to make these decisions, and veto my own. It’s infuriating. As I am obviously always right. Apparently Trent didn’t get that memo.
Case in point, Trent hates horses. He thinks they are deadly, dangerous creatures and anyone riding one is a complete nutjob. I, on the other hand, was raised riding competitively from the age of eight. I was an equestrian show rider for years, and continued to ride recreationally throughout high school and college. In fact, one of my three part time jobs my junior/senior years at university was to ride horses weekly with a girl with Asperger Syndrome whose parents wanted her to have a riding companion. I think that horseback riding is great exercise, a wonderful way to teach kids about responsibility and discipline, and just plain fun. I owe much of who I am to that experience growing up.
So for years I’ve brought up that I’d love for Lucy to ride as she gets older. Maybe take lessons once a week or something. But Trent is all “Absolutely no way, Jose. Are you insane?” or the ever popular “Horses aren’t dangerous, huh? Tell that to Christopher Reeve!”
And I’ve let it go. The kid had never been on a horse in her life.
Had. Never.
Had.
Bwahahaha! I win this round, sucker!
I wonder if I should’ve saved my playing card for the baby naming round? Ah well, second children always have it worse.
For years I’ve been wanting to get some family photos shot of Trent, Lu and I, and for years I’ve put it off. Why? No idea. Probably a combo of money + time + convincing Trent to do it, but for whatever the reasons, we’ve always held off. So when my friend Nicole moved to KC a year ago, I knew I’d be asking for her services. You see, Nicole is a real photographer. In the very sense of the word. Not only is she super-talented and endlessly creative, she has been crafting her skill forever. You know that awesome picture of me as a modelesque 6-year-old that’s on my About Me page? Yeah, she took that.
So one ridiculously hot day in June we got together to shoot some family portraits. Except it was a Friday, Trent was grumpy after a long week of work, Lu was grumpy after a long week of school and it was (no lie) 107 degrees outside. And humid. Gotta love Kansas City.
The shoot was done in parts of the River Market area downtown, and then out at our favorite pizza joint by our house. And although it was so hot that Lu really wasn’t the sparkplug she usually is, I almost like these pictures better because of it. Nicole captured the serious Lu, which I just don’t think to photograph much. And I may be biased (obviously), but this kid, she is just gorgeous.
A few other favorites from the day:
I wish I could post all 50 photos so you all could oohh and ahhh like I’ve been doing, but instead I’ll just link to the Flickr set of the shoot here. Nicole is going through a business redesign right now, but you can find her old website here, and you know I’ll be linking to her new one once it’s completed. (It’s so good, y’all, you have no idea. Just wait.)
Thank you, Nicole, for capturing our family of three before everything changes. Thank you for making me look skinny. Thank you for dealing with my grumpy family. And of course, thank you for that lovely photo of 6-year-old me. It has nothing to do with this shoot, but is so awesome, you deserve heaps of praise.
Danny & Annie from StoryCorps on Vimeo.
I saw this video first thing this morning on Chookooloonks blog. I had actually heard this StoryCorp recording on NPR before, and found myself stopped on the side of the road while listening the first time. Watching the video, and listening to Danny and Annie’s love story, once again made me tear up today. There is so much negativity in the world, and for now, I want to focus on the good stuff. Life is full of hard stuff, but the good stuff? That’s what makes it all worth it.
(Warning, unless you have a heart of stone, you will probably cry or tear up at this. But that’s important too.)
