Me: Today I had to do a photo shoot at this high school we [company where I have a real job] designed. It was so weird, because I got stuck in the halls in between classes. All the kids just acted like I was another student. I felt like Drew Barrymore in Never Been Kissed.
Him: You mean you looked way old, were tripping over yourself and everyone thought you were a big dork.
Me: No. I just meant….
Him: Did you hit on a teacher?
Me: Nevermind.
My husband came home last night after four days away and looked at me like I was an alien. I was so excited to see him, but maybe the pus spewing out of my left eye (oh yes, the left one, no longer the right one) may have turned him off. He spent most of the night avoiding me and my pus, but after Lu went to bed, he came into the bedroom where I was doing the laundry dance. The laundry dance is what occurs when a dumb blond a-hole is bored while folding laundry. Now the laundry dance is sad enough to witness, but imagine walking in on your wife doing the laundry dance, looking like she got punched in the eye, and the following is on the TV:
Holy. Shitballs.
It’s probably cause for divorce, right? I should have a clause in our prenup preventing him from leaving me due to my sicko obsession with crappy Disney channel movies. He just looked at me with one cocked eyebrow and I said, “Listen, we all have faults, and unfortunately this is mine. At least it’s not hard drugs.”
Oh, and while I’m confessing, I may as well just out myself on the upcoming Disney mania.
Egads, the lipsynching is mesmerizing!
Now, you may wonder why I would post such awful crap on this site and not keep these horrendous videos for myself. Well, mostly because you know later today I’m going to start getting emails with this video from all of those who mock my horrid fault and this is my way of one-upping them.
Ha! Beat you to it! Who’s the loser now?!
Answer: Me
Trent and I hardly ever get nights out together these days. I literally cannot remember the last time just the two of us went out and did anything. So when I saw this movie trailer, I emailed him the following:
September 12, 2008. Date night. Put it on your calendar.
Then I immediately booked a babysitter and did the happy dance.
“Hey, I’m sorry I got all pissy and started yelling at you. It’s just, I’m really tired and today was the only afternoon I had for myself and then you asked me to come home and help you with the baby. But when I came home, you went down to the basement for two hours and left me alone with her while you watched TV. Then after the whole “pooping in the bathtub” incident, I just got really angry. But I’m over it.”
“That’s OK. I’m sorry for leaving you alone with her. You’re just better than me.”
“No, I that’s not what I meant. Let’s just drop it, OK?”
“OK. And I’m sorry for calling you a bitch.”
My dad and I are very much alike. We have similar mannerisms, we look like twins, we are both uber-dorks. Growing up, my dad was (as clichéd as it sounds) my hero. He was and still is the smartest person I’ve ever met, and I feel so lucky to have his genes in my body. He is not necessarily a person who will spew on about how much he loves me and how wonderful of a person I am, but I can always tell he’s proud of me and what I’ve done with my life. Even when I’ve made mistakes, and lord, I’ve made quite a few, I always knew he would forgive me and help me move on. My dad is a rock, in the most literal sense of the word, and I wouldn’t be the person I am without him.
When I think about my relationship with my dad, my mind immediately goes to Lu and Trent. I know that no matter what I do, at some point in our lives Lu will despise the thought of me. That’s just how girls are. And she will probably always think of her dad as her own personal superhero. And you know what? I’m okay with that. I hope she always sees him in the driveway and starts yelling, “Daddy! Daddy!†I hope she will always laugh manically when he chases her around the house. I hope they always read books before bedtime and have breakfast together. Because regardless of my relationship with Lu or my relationship with Trent, their relationship should always be strong. Because that’s what superheroes do.
