My lovely friend (and former NYC + KC partner in crime) Theresa was interviewed by the Associated Press for an article on composting in Brooklyn. So far, the story has been picked up by several outlets, including Yahoo! and the Seattle Times. You can find more photos here or read the article here.
Congrats, T!
As I tend to be from time to time, I’ve been a bit overwhelmed with all of these dang responsibilities that being a mom, wife, IT consultant, Power Point operator, writer and primetime television watcher entails. So, in order to ease the burden a bit, I’ve decided to ask people to be Guest Bananas, AKA guest writers on this site. This Guest Banana post was written by my good friend, and fellow watcher of awful television, Mara. Take it away, Mara!
Well hello there interweb. If you have followed the wonderful Crazybananas for a while, you will know me as “The Mara”. I used to leave 17 page comments on posts, usually having nothing to do with the actual post itself and just updating Megan and her followers on my college days. I was awesome. Megan has asked me, knowing my awesomeness, to guest post on her wonderful website as she is busy being a wonderful mother, wife and working girl (not prostitute) [ed note: Thanks for clarifying that I’m not a prostitute, Mara] and not to mention growing a Pirate King in her womb. Her life is crazy and I am thankful for every day that I get to spend time with her and her beautiful family. Enough gushing about her, seriously though, look at the freaking family pictures. Like, are you kidding me!?
It took me 2 seconds to determine what I wanted to write about, it went something like this (via text):
Megan: P.S. would you do a guest post on my website?
Me: OF COURSE! Vampires, werewolves and aliens?!
Megan: Perfect!
So, I’m sitting here trying to determine how to organize my thoughts about the following topics: vampires, werewolves, aliens and wizards (preferably of the Ginger variety). This is hard. I could write on and on and on and on about the things that entertain me the most. I’ll keep it short and sweet…yea, right.
Wizards:
“I’d be sleazy for Ron Weasley”- Yes. Yes, I would. Especially the older, not as awkward, super adorable Ron Weasley. Damn that Hermione Granger. What can I say? I have a thing for awkward Gingers.
As for the Harry Potter Series? Thank you for existing. I am going to cry like a 3 year old when the second movie for The Deathly Hallows comes out. It really can’t be ending, really!? Ugh. The books are amazingly written and while the movies have rarely lived up to my standards they are amazing as well. I highly recommend those who are obsessed with the Twilight series to check out an actual well written series of awesomely addicting books that don’t make you feel like your IQ has dropped 90 points.
Vampires and Werewolves:
I love vampires. I also love werewolves. Now please don’t confuse this with me believing that vampires and werewolves exist. While it is entirely possible and would be awesome, my common sense does take over, sometimes. Megan introduced me to Twilight and Moonlight which opened the flood gates to all popular vampire “pop culture†(True Blood, Vampire Diaries, etc). And for that, I am eternally grateful. Seriously. I have had some of the best times hanging out with my BFF’s, drinking (even not drinking sometimes, I know, weird, right!?) and watching awesomely bad vampire shows/movies. They are cheesy, drama filled and full of smoking hot men. Delicious. I’m not sure what I’m trying to get across here except that I think these series/sagas have taught me to not take myself too seriously. If I had, I would have missed out on lots of laughs and good times with friends. For a future post I will prepare an essay comparing Twilight, Moonlight, True Blood and Vampire Diaries and have Megan post it as she will be busy being a mom for the second time (yay!!). This is something I’ve joked about for awhile but I really should get a start on it, because, really, what else do I have to do?
Aliens:
One word: Roswell. [Ed note: The clips in this section are different…yes I know the screen caps look the same. F’ing Hulu. Trust, you want to click on both. The truth is out there. Wait, wrong aliens…]
Introduced into my life by, guess who!? (Who else thinks that Megan introduces these things to my life to ensure herself a bad/cheesy T.V./movie watching buddy? I do. But I love it.) Roswell thoroughly entertained me for the 2 days it took me to watch the entire series. Alright, alright, it was more than 2 days but honestly if I didn’t have to work or sleep, I would have just watched every episode straight through. That good. And cheesy. And full of hotness monsters (and Max’s body, holy cow. Take your shirt off more often, please!?). Aliens do exist. As current events prove, they are watching/deactivating nuclear weapons. Awesome. Anywho, Roswell is about normal teenagers just trying to live their lives. Half of them are aliens: Max, Michael and Isabel. Michael, by far the fan favorite, is the bad boy. With the bad hair, which ends up being charming…well in that cheesy way. Teenage angst ensues. Really that’s all you need to know. They battle with the same problems as normal teenagers: relationships, lisps, parent problems and money woes, but better because they aren’t from this planet!
Shocking and amazing! I suggest and encourage the renting/buying of these DVD’s and maybe starting a website to get the cast back together for a movie reunion (I would, but I’m too lazy). That would be awesome and I would pee my pants with excitement!!
Alright, summation time, I love wizards, werewolves, vampires and aliens. The above is a scrabble brained attempt to show this. Also, Megan has destroyed any chance of me living a normal life. Harsh but true. Most of the above obsessions have occurred because of or have increased in nature due to the lovely blonde lady with the beautiful family. She has convinced me (really twisting my arm and forcing me) to watch every Cutting Edge (except one that even Megan deemed unwatchable) and 2 of the 3 Step Up films. Yes, I called them films. It just gets better and better. And to her I say, Thank you. Thank you for letting me be me and ensuring me a safe place, without criticism to enjoy the nerdy things in life. And thank you to all the creative people that have brought these characters to life for me to enjoy. Seriously, I wish I had a quarter of the imagination of J.K. Rowling.
Interweb, watch some vampires, werewolves, aliens and wizards, laugh and enjoy life, don’t take it too seriously.
Until next time, if I’m ever invited back!
Me: Oh, new Netflix movies came today. That one that you asked me to put in the queue is there.
Trent: I actually got a movie?!
[Insinuates that most of the time I manage the queue so the movies we get are always for me…mostly true. Leaves the room to check said movies.]
Trent: Wait, which one is for me?
Me: I dunno, the one that you emailed me and told me to put in there. I don’t know what it’s about.
Trent: So the other two are for you?
Me: Yeah.
Trent: You rented the entire season of Firefly?!?!
Me: So?
Trent: Well, that’s taking your geekiness to a whole new level, babe…actually, I would watch that with you.
Me: Seriously?!
Trent: Sure, you know what it’s about, right? Didn’t they make a movie after the season was over?
Me: Yeah, Serenity. Already seen it.
Trent: Wow. How in the world did you ever start watching this?
Me: Well, it’s made by the same guy who created Buffy the Vampire Slayer! And Dollhouse! And Dr. Horrible! And it stars Captain Hammer!
Trent: There it is….
Just in case you doubted me, here is proof. A transcript of my day of text messaging with KT regarding ABC Family’s Cutting Edge Marathon:
M: Cutting Edge marthon is on!!!!
M: OMG…best music/outfits ever!!!
K: The french braids! At a black tie event!
M: Pamchencko!
K: Gotta love the finishing kiss for the gold. Oy vey.
K: Wait, did they even get the gold?
M: Oh, good good, there are surfers in this one.
K: I’ve never seen this one…who is that chick? I’ve seen her before. The Jackie main chick, I mean. And is that Oksana Baiul?
M: No idea who that chick is…she reminds me of Miley Cyrus.
K: She was in some teen Nickelodeon show I think (oh god, my true colors are showing).
K: She was on Even Stevens (thank you IMDB)
M: Dude, this boy is cute, but he sorta reminds me of Spencer Pratt.
M: Gah! Puffy sleeves!!!
K: Puffy sleeves!!!
K: Good god.
M: Gold lame bra top!
K: That is one ugly outfit.
M: Okay, starting CE3.
K: Um, CE3 has the steamy guy from the new 90210.
M: Hmmm…I’m seeing a theme here.
K: Uh, yea.
M: Are pairs ice skaters actually so popular that they are watched by the papparazzi?
K: Um yeeeeeeaaaaaa, they are the coolest.
M: Trent is now watching with me. He has already predicted the entire movie. “Dude, just go do the Russian chick.”
M: “Oh, she’s mean, I can’t skate with someone who’s mean!”
K: She’s a man eater!
K: Gag me.
M: Trent has laughed out loud way more then I have. I think he is secretly loving this.
K: He would. Him and his LAN parties.
M: Random note: I need to find a profession where my job is to stay in kickass shape.
K: Agreed. Can I be your assistant to that job?
K: You’ll never guess what makes a return in this one.
M: PAMCHENKO!!!?????
M: Wait, so apparently it didn’t work out with Jackie and her surfer/in-line skater, right?
K: Yes. Tear.
M: Dude, he kicked her in the head with his skate on?!
K: Trent was right, the Russian is a bimbo.
M: Return of the french braid!
K: Ah, the talk before the big skate. Now where have I seen this before?
M: Starting CE4!!!
K: He is so freakin hot.
M: I know!!!
K: I like the little gap in his teeth.
M: I know, he’s not pretty, but so hot.
K: He looks like he should be on Star Trek with that outfit.
M: Maybe it’s a tribute to his alien beginnings.
K: Mmmm, but me likey the polo+hoodie+blazer combo he’s got goin on now.
M: Hothothot!!!!
K: Looks like she’s got a little more junk in the trunk since the last movie.
M: Shirtless!!!!!
K: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa speechless.
M: Who plays strip poker?
K: Humanah Humanah Humanah
K: Um, HELLO!!!
K: I want chocolate chip cookies.
M: So hot. Just. Wow.
K: Tiny. I mean tiny cartoon undies. Hello.
M: I am officially dubbing him “the hotness monster.”
K: I LOVE IT!!!
M: OMG!!!
K: HOLY SHIT!!!
M: The hotness monster strikes again!
K: ABC family whaaaaat!
K: Megan is now hiding.
M: Shut it.
K: hahahahahaha
M: That happened way too early, something has to split them up before they skate. It’s the Cutting Edge way.
K: Aaaaaannndd cut to old partner.
M: Don’t be sad, hotness monster.
M: Ruh, roh….enter bad decisions.
K: “Doesn’t that involve reading or something?” *ick.
M: She’s not even cute!
K: At all. Bad hotness monster. Bad.
M: Nooooooo!!!! Mean hotness monster!
K: Awful hair ribbon.
M: Is that a skirt of fringe?
M: They get to skate!!!! And he’s still extremely hot!
K: Rawr.
M: Betcha wanna watch Roswell now
K: Uh yea. I’ll be picturing him like this though.
K: Cue Megan hiding.
M: Good grief.
M: And goodnight, hotness monster.
A few weeks back, my friend and fellow watcher of awful television, Lane, sent me a quick email. It seems Miss Lane often attends book signings at a certain bookstore in Kansas City, especially for gifts for her young nieces. And this certain bookstore now sends her emails about upcoming writers that will be doing book signings in the city. And who was coming to our frozen tundra, you ask?
Ummmm…..yeah. Right?
LC. Lauren Conrad. From The Hills. Lovers of crappy TV unite! And begin to geek out!
So Lane and I decided to attend this very special event, where our sure to be BFF Lauren would be signing her new novel, “Sweet Little Lies,” which is basically The Hills written down on paper and bound in a hardcover. Whatever, it’s LC! Squeeee!!!!!
As the event got closer, Lane and I started trading emails about how we were going to charm Miss Conrad into being our new best friend so she would eventually ask us to join in her new reality show and we’d become rich and famous. Obviously. One particular email from Lane pointed me to the site Go Fug Yourself dot com, where they had featured LC and a fabulous yellow coat.
I immediately replied:
To: Lane
From: Megan
Sub: Re: A Little SomethingDUDE! I totally have a coat that is almost, just like that! I’m gonna wear it on Monday, and she’ll be all, “Wow, girl, that coat is amazing!†And I’ll be all, “I know, right? Let’s be best friends forever!†And then I’ll fly off to Paris and have lunch with famous designers and she’ll probably write a character for me in her new book.
That, or she’ll call security. It could go either way.
Then Lane sent back to me:
To: Megan
From: Lane
Sub: Re: Re: A Little SomethingOMG! You have a coat like that??? Why have I never seen it? I swear I will not steal it from you. (maybe not)
Which is when the backtracking started. See, my coat is not exactly like LC’s. It’s shorter, and a different color yellow, but hell, it’s close enough and you bet your collection of Star Trek memorabilia I was gonna wear it.
When we arrived at the event venue (a church….weird) I noticed that Miss Lane had gone home to change into some stylish outfit, while I was wearing my classic work attire (black pants, random top, salt/sand from the snow splashed all over my backside) with my famous yellow coat. Which, I may add, is totally a Fall coat and I was freaking freezing. But I knew my friendship with LC was in jeopardy, so I sucked it up.
The two of us acted like complete psychos while waiting for LC to arrive. We giggled. We tweeted. We made fun of all the other attendees. We discussed what the heck we were going to say to LC. We laughed hysterically. We shot dirty looks at the girls sitting next to us with their YSL bags and LV coats.
And Lane made fun of my coat. She tweeted about my coat. Laughed at my assertion that it looked anything like the coat we’d seen LC wearing on that fashion website.
Our ticket numbers were finally called and we got in line to get our books signed. All the while nervously trying to figure out what we were going to say to LC (who, I might add, looks exactly like she does on TV, exactly). We got up to the front, where some lady brought her kid and totally charmed LC and her entourage, and I silently cursed my decision not to bring Lulu. Lane (that creep) snuck behind me so I’d have to go first. Crap! Now what? I walked up to the table, and handed my book to one of LC’s assistants, who passed it on to LC to sign. She looked up at me, and very nicely said hello. Here is an abridged version of our conversation:
LC – Hello!
Me – Um, hi…(looks down like a freak show)
LC – How are you?
Me – Fine, um, thanks.
LC – I love your coat!
Me – (blink, blink, blink)
LC’s Assistant – Yeah, it looks a lot like yours (to LC). The one from the other day.
Me – (Look at Lane….blink, blink, blink)
Lane – (Hands her book over to be signed) Great, now I’ll never hear the end of this.
Me – I told you!!!
Lane – She wore it because she said it looked like yours and I told her it didn’t.
Me – (Dances off the stage)
LC – Well, it is a little darker.
Me – (Dies. Boom. The End.)
Back in the audience, Lane and I couldn’t freaking believe what had just happened. I quickly tweeted my version of events so I wouldn’t forget…and Lane replied with the following:
So unfair. I will never hear the end of this. Ever. Seriously.
And then this….
Also, I hope everyone likes the coat, because I think she’ll be wearing it until she’s 80.
I mean, I guess I didn’t get invited to Paris or New York or L.A. But still. I think the night turned out better than anticipated.
My response:
@laneodle, suck it!!! I win at life!!!
I am nothing, if not classy.
