Pink or Blue

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When I was pregnant with Lucy I was absoultely, positively sure I was having a boy. I had never even fathomed having a girl. I wasn’t girlie, in fact, as a kid I was made fun of because I was so boyish. I specifically remember getting laughed off the school bus because I said I wanted to be a boy so I could play in the NBA. I was cursed from that moment on. Well, until I grew some boobs, that is. After that, most people forgot about the whole “wanting to be a boy” thing.

I was so afraid I wouldn’t know what to do with a girl. That she’d hate me, as all daughters hate their mothers at one point or another, and that she’d be a total daddy’s girl. That she’d have my screwed up teeth and un-tanned skin and would blame all of her insecurities on me. Turns out, she does have my smile and my skin, and I’ve never seen such a beautiful baby. Having this little girl, and seeing myself reflected in her, has made me see myself much more clearly. Because if something on her is beautiful, and that something came from me, well, it must be beautiful on me as well.

Today one of my best friends in the world is finding out if she’ll be buying pink or blue bedding for her nursery. She is absolutely sure it is a boy, but I’ve warned her not to get too excited either way. No matter what, she will adore this little thing, who will probably walk and talk and look like her. And she’ll see herself in a whole new light. As they say, nothing is more beautiful than a happy mother.

17 Months

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Dear Lucy,

As I write this entry (a bit late, I know) I’m packing up my fancy suit and some travel-sized shampoo for a business trip that’s going to take me away from you for a few days. People always ask me if I’m happy to get a little break from you when I go away for work, and while sometimes I nod and laugh, like, um, YESSSSSS, today I told the truth. Nope. Not at all.

Girlie

Because Lucy, even though I write quite a bit about all of the negatives of parenthood, and there are many, sometimes the positives just outweigh my complaints. Like how you call me Mama now. Or how you will vigorously shake your head and say “NOOOOOO” when you really mean, “Yes…did you hear me? Yes! Why are you taking the thing away that I just said yes to! Waaahhhhh!” Or how whenever you see our reflection in a mirror you throw your head back and laugh, like you didn’t realize how awesome it is to be here with me. Or how when you see your daddy and I hugging, you run from across the room to join us. I mean, how in God’s name could I ever complain about you?

Croquet

Sometimes, though, you need to cool it with the whining. Seriously. Enough. I hear you. I know you’re crabby. And I’m sorry about that. But the whining. It has to stop. OK, I’m done complaining.

Sour Cream

Sunday night, on the drive home from the farm, your dad and I were talking about if, when you’re older, we should tell you that you were “unplanned.” OK, we said, “mistake,” but unplanned just sounds a little nicer. The most incredible thing, Lu, is that we both wholeheartedly agreed that not only is life way better with you in it, but that you were the thing that turned our lives around. We were stumbling through life before, feeling around in the dark for something to hold on to. Now it seems as if every single piece of my life is good, and it all comes back to that “mistake” we made almost two years ago. My relationship with your father, our relationships with our parents and siblings, our friendships, our jobs…it’s all so much better than it was before, and the constant is always you.

Boating

Lucy

I’m going to miss you while I’m gone Lu, but I promise to be back in a few days. It makes me so happy that you’re so close with your dad and I know you’ll have a good time together while I’m away. On Friday, when you wake up, I will be there again, and we’ll lay in bed and watch cartoons and laugh and cuddle. And it will be so incredibly sweet.

Tinkerbell

Love,
Mama

(Yup, the format is still taken from Dooce.com)

Happy Halloween

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From a child who absolutely refused to take a photo in her garage-sale Tinkerbell costume unless she was:

a.) Pouting
Pouting

b.) Eating a Decorative Gourd
Eats a Gourd

c.) Standing on my neighbor’s steps ignoring me
Trick or Treat

d.) Pointing up at deck above her and shouting “Doggie!”
Tink

e.) Violently shaking her head no, causing me to cut her head off
Onery

A Good Reason

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It’s Friday, people! So, to celebrate the end of this trying week, I thought I’d get my behind into gear and finally (FINALLY!) post a new Lu-video. I’ve used the excuse that I couldn’t find my video battery charger for way to long, so this week we spent some time trying to catch snippets of the personality I talk about so much on this site. It’s hard to catch any of it on tape, given that the minute she sees our video camera circa 1998, she runs over and spends 20 minutes trying to rip the lens cap off of it’s holder. Which may explain some of the shaky videography. Or not. Anywho, here’s my little monkey doing her thing including running around frantically, saying her three favorite words (doggie, duck and bubbles, respectively), and dancing in her PJs.


Lulu at 17 Months from Megan on Vimeo.

16 Months

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Dear Lucy,

Today you turn 16-months-old. My question is, what the heck happened to you? You’ve gone from this wild, crazy baby to a wild, crazy toddler in 3 weeks flat. I know I’ve said that before, but I really had no idea what a toddler was until now. Just in case you’re not aware, a toddler is someone who refuses all food, even if it’s food they used to love. A toddler runs around the house screaming for no apparent reason. A toddler hears the word “no” and does things anyway. A toddler clings to me for dear life if she sees someone she does not recognize.

She Has Issues

But hey, being a toddler isn’t a bad thing. You’ve also started to exhibit some big-kid tendancies. Like pretending to put your new baby doll to bed. Or chasing bubbles around a room, attempting to pop each and every one, and squealing with delight. You’ve also, finally, started to play with toys how they are actually meant to be played with. You play your toy piano instead of just hitting the on/off button over and over again. You stack your blocks instead of chewing on them. You sit and look at books, saying “ooohh” when you see a character you like, instead of throwing them at the dog.


Trent and Lucy

I’m not sure if it is the fact that you now play pretend with your own baby doll or if you just decided you miss me more during the day, but you’ve finally given in and started to call me Mama. Thank, God, Lu, because I was about to take you back to the hospital and ask for an upgrade, as the baby I took home was obviously broken. The minute I walk into the babysitters house and you spot me it’s all, “Mamamamama!” along with some “Mommeeeee!” thrown in for good measure. When I really needed a break this weekend, your dad offered to let me watch a movie or take a nap in our bedroom, and you stood on the other side of the closed door banging and kicking and screaming “Mamamamama!” until I let you in. Wait, I wanted this, right?

At Boulder Creek

Oh, Lu, you are a little firecracker, that’s for sure. But this weekend, after a very long morning, we snuggled up in the big bed, turned on Disney channel, and fell asleep together. And then, last night, when I was so tired that I went to bed at 8 o’clock, your dad brought you in the room to say goodnight. We all laid together for a while, and at one point, you stood up, cocked your head to the side, smiled, leaned down and gave me a huge kiss right on my nose. Then you leaned down again and gave me one right on the lips. You put your head down on my chest and held me close with your pudgy, little arms. My goodness, I love having a toddler.

In the Tunnel

Love,
Mommeeeeeee

Format for these monthly letters was originated by Heather at dooce.com. Hopefully my absolute copying will flatter her.

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