Dear Virus (A Second Letter),

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OK Virus, at first I was a little perturbed by your lack of understanding when it came to leaving my child and the other members of our house alone. But now you’ve gone too far. Now you have turned into strep throat, and have somehow penetrated my exceedingly strong immune barrier. You truly do suck a big one. And don’t worry Virus, I have plenty of time to stay at home. It’s not like I just started a new job a month ago and have already taken five sick days due to you….oh wait, yes I have!

On another note, Virus, I’m not sure if you ever read WebMD, but kids under three rarely get strep. So rarely, in fact, that our pediatrician INSISTED not to get Lucy tested for it, even though I tested positive. So imagine my surprise when I ignored his advice, got her tested anyway, and it came out positive as well. You sure are tricky, Virus. You should have seen the nurse tech’s face when the two lines on the test turned pink, after she had spent the last ten minutes telling me what I could do for Lu when it came out negative. Ha, ha! Take that Medical Industry!

Good one, Virus. But we’re definitely done now. If all the antibiotics don’t kill you, I’ll reach down my throat and kill you myself. Because I miss swallowing. And sleeping.

Best regards,
Megan

Dear Virus,

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I get it, you like us and you don’t want to leave. That’s understandable, we’re a fun group. We go to parks and we watch movies and we wrestle around the house on weekends. Sometimes we even have picnics or go to fancy restaurants. I get that you want to tag along, but you’re just not welcome anymore.

Four weeks is overstaying your welcome. At first, I thought you were just a cute little cold. I mean, what’s the big deal? One night up because of a fever, one runny nose and a few coughs here and there. But after the third Friday in a row where I was up the entire night (why is it always on Friday?), I decided I am done with you. And all of the members of my house agree.

I think Lucy would like to once again taste her food and maybe even smell it. I know I would like to spend my 2 a.m.’s sleeping and not cleaning up old hot dog bits that have been regurgitated on to the floor. And though Trent told me it was very sexy as I stood there half naked, covered in puke, attempting to start a bath, I think he may have been kidding.

So, Virus, I think we are officially ready for you to leave now. I did enjoy all the cuddling and the days spent in the big bed with Nemo, but it’s starting to get warm outside and I need to change out of my pajamas. So get out!

Yours,
Megan

Things that made Lu break down in tears last night

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– Not being picked up
– The dog walking next to her
– Me not letting her watch “Memo!!!” (Finding Nemo)
– Not being able to play on Mommy’s computer
– Breathing
– Being hungry
– Not being hungry and not wanting to eat
– An old price tag from a toy being in the trash
– The wind
– Not being able to simultaneously sit on the couch and stand on the floor
– Being unable to tie her shoes

This is why I love the Internet

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Because where else would you find the greatest writers of our generation, actually writing about ideas that I can relate to. When I read this post from Sweet Juniper, I thought someone had crawled into my brain, pulled out all of my incomprehensive rambling about young parenthood, and somehow combined it all to make sense. And when I read it, I didn’t feel so alone. I’m posting a selection of his post here, not to steal content, but because I know some of you (you know who you are!) tend to not click through when I recommend it. But you really, really should. Especially for those of you who feel they’ve lost me in the last few years. Or for those of you that feel lost.

I stopped visiting my friend in Athens after my first child was born. He stopped calling me while sober at some point, and then stopped drunkenly calling me in the middle of the night. He was no longer awed by the rocks stars: he became one of them. He joined a band and through the weird prism of his flickr stream I can see him happy in photos of bloody concert injuries, bass-drum surfing, new tattoos, new girls, tour buses, beards, cooler friends, and snapshots from the SXSW Vice Magazine party. I am happy for him. I can’t help but feel like the bourgeois putz I was always destined to be, though, sitting here on a yoga ball listening to a ten-year-old album with nothing on my agenda except getting a newborn baby to stop crying. But I can’t really blame my kids for any of this: the loss of old friends, all these divergent trajectories. That’s my fault. It started long before them.

Sometimes I still feel like I’m supposed to be the same person I was ten years ago. But I’ve changed. Of course I have. When I sit here with my son and these songs, I try to remember what I thought of the lyrics in 1998: the impassioned paeans to Anne Frank, the sense of polluted childhood, the confrontation of innocence and sexuality. None of it really made sense to me then, but it didn’t matter. It still doesn’t make much sense, but Mangum still sings as though it should. With all this re-listening, certain phrases echo in my head all day: mostly all that uninterpretable mysticism of familial dysfunction. I look down at my sleeping son in my arms and I know there’s nothing I can do to prevent myself from damaging him, from failing him in the million ways I must as a father. I cannot simply restrain myself and save him from this. The damage will not come from anything I do. It will be the result of me just being me.

From Sweet Juniper (hopefully they won’t sue)

Sick Bunny

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Worst Moment of the Past Weekend: 4 a.m. Saturday Morning – After Lu had been up for 3 hours with 103 temperature, and was to the point where nothing could soothe her. I also had a temperature, swollen throat and headache. They should add another warning on the Nyquil label saying “This product shouldn’t be used when operating heavy machinery or if your kid may wake up at 1 a.m. with a fever…because then you’re screwed.”

Best Moment of the Past Weekend: This was a tie between spending all day (literally ALL DAY) in bed with Lu on Saturday (which would normally suck but the sickness caused both of us to be super-cuddley) and making Lu wear bunny ears against her will. She was too tired to go down kicking and screaming, so she just sort of let us do it, but with a look that said, “Seriously, parents. I hate you.” See below.

Sick Bunny

And now for my best bunny impression!

One Creepy Easter Bunny

If that doesn’t say “Jesus is Risen,” then I don’t know what does.

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