Finding My Path Archives - Page 5 of 11

2014 : A Year of Acceptance

January 7, 2014/0 Comments/in Finding My Path, Happiness /by Megan

Well, it’s here! 2014! Cue the parade!

(Wait, they already did that? Okay, nevermind.)

I am so excited about 2014, it’s honestly a little strange. 2013 was a difficult, life-changing year for me, in every, single aspect. I had to change everything in order to find myself in a place where I am FINALLY at peace with who I am and where I fit in this giant universe we call home. Every year I choose a word that will hopefully signify that year’s journey, and give me something to use a touchstone as I work through issues and experiences throughout those short 12 months. In 2013, my word was “COURAGE.” Most every decision I made last year was with that word in mind. There were so many times in 2013 when I was afraid, worried, and feeling rejected, but in the back of my mind, a little voice told me if I kept working toward living courageously, it would all turn out okay. Thank god for tiny little voices.

This year, my word is “ACCEPTANCE.” This is something I truly struggle with on a daily basis. I am just not very good at acceptance. I want things to be the way I want them to be, and when they are not, for whatever reason, I go in to toddler meltdown mode. Even when I’m right (most of the time, obviously) I need to be able to accept just because I’m “right” doesn’t mean things will go the way they should. And when I say “should” you can just replace that with “the way I want them to go.”

Radical Acceptance : Accepting of life on lifeâ€™s terms and not resisting what you cannot or choose not to change. Radical Acceptance is about saying yes to life, just as it is. (Source)

Happy 2014, y’all! I wish a year of acceptance, love and joy to you! What is your word for the year? What goals do you plan on working toward?

Finding My Path : Boundaries, Honesty and Balance

November 7, 2013/0 Comments/in Finding My Path, Happiness /by Megan

This past Sunday was not anything special. In fact, it was probably as normal as could be. The kids were up early due to daylight savings time (blerg), so we made a huge breakfast, with pumpkin pancakes, eggs, bacon, juice and coffee for yours truly. Before the kids got up I did some early morning meditation and reading. I am not a very religious person, but in the last year, spirituality has found me again, and it has been a gift. We went to the park and played outside while the cool autumn wind brushed our pink cheeks. We came home for naps, and afterward headed out to the gym for a playdate for the kids and a yin restorative yoga class for me. When we were all done, I took the kids to the gym pool and we splashed around for a while. We ate an easy dinner and I put the kids to bed a bit early. I watched a bit of TV on my iPad, and then was off to bed around 9 p.m.

Now, this particular day might not sound like a big deal to you, but for me, this is huge. As in epically gigantic. Because this day would not have existed a year ago.

One thing that I have had to face up to as I walk along this path of life is I am a perfectionist. Actually, scratch that. I have always known I was a perfectionist, the difference now is I don’t see that as a positive thing. Before, when people would compliment my ability to “do it all” or how “perfect” my life seemed, I’d fake-humbly nod and say, “Oh no, I’m not perfect!” But inside, I was squealing with glee. My self-worth and happiness were almost exclusively based on doing everything perfectly and being the most wonderful person anybody had ever met, ever, in the history of the universe. My goal was to be everyone’s favorite person, and to show everyone how incredibly amazing I was by doing everything right the first time.

The problem with this outlook is it is absolutely unachievable. I will NEVER be everyone’s favorite person, that’s an impossibility of the highest degree. Also, as it turns out, perfection isn’t a goal that can be reached by any human on this planet, including little ole’ me. So if your goal in life is to be perfect, you will be consistently disappointed. Your life, regardless of how fulfilling and beautiful, will never be enough. And speaking from experience, this is no way to live.

One of the things I’ve really struggled with on this journey is creating boundaries. One of the symptoms of my struggle to be perfect was the inability to create and hold real boundaries within my life. If someone wanted to do something I didn’t necessarily want to do, I’d agree to make them happy. I never wanted to rock the boat or upset people, so I would do, say or act in ways that were not in line with what I wanted for myself. I truly had no idea how to say “No.”

I’m learning boundaries are a gift, not only to me, but to those that I love. When I say “No” or tell the truth about how I feel about something, I am being authentic and real. I never really thought of myself as a liar, but I have had to come to terms with the fact that I have spent much of my life being dishonest about who I am and what I want. This is especially painful, but so, SO necessary.

The crux of this was realizing that perfectionism and “people pleasing” is a very dishonest and sad way to live. And in order to change this, and live my truth (notice I didn’t say THE truth, but MY truth) I have to be able to set boundaries in my life, even if it’s hard. Someone very wise once told me, “Just because you have done something in the past, doesn’t mean you have to continue doing it. You can set a new boundary whenever you want.”

These days I say yes by saying no. I am not everyone’s favorite person, but the truth is, I never was! Do I still want to do my best? Yes! Do I still try very hard? Of course! Do I still have goals and aspirations? Duh! But it doesn’t mean I have to do it all today.

Instead, today I will do the next right thing that comes to mind. I will have a fun day with my kids where I cross absolutely nothing off my “To Do” list. I will not feel guilt or shame over not being perfect, instead I’ll be proud to be a flawed, but authentic human being. I will go to bed with a smile on my face and joy in my heart, knowing my imperfections are what make me my best self.

Then I’ll wake up and do it again. And again. Ad continuum.

Thirty Plus One

September 20, 2013/2 Comments/in Finding My Path, Happiness, Photos /by Megan

Today is my birthday. I’m 31 years old. Somehow, 31 seems like more serious business than 30 was. I mean, when you turn 30, people are still throwing parties for you in Las Vegas. When you are 31, your biggest party might be having both ice cream AND a snickers while watching rom-coms on TV. Partaaaayyyyy!

But seriously, the best part about 31 is that option two above is totally and absolutely my idea of the best time ever. Not that I didn’t love the big party in Vegas (I mostly loved the company I was with, but sparkly dresses and spending an entire day in a cabana ain’t too shabby), but I’ve learned over the past 31 years that I’m really a stay-home type of gal. I like elastic waistbands and t-shirts worn so thin from loving wear they look like they should be shipped off to the dumpster immediately. I think I spend so much of my working life dressed in uncomfortable, yet flattering clothing, there is nothing more fun and sexy to me than just laying around like Jabba the Hutt. I mean, how lucky is my husband? So lucky.

My 31st year has been a hectic one. Sometimes painful, sometimes glorious, and always changing, this year was full of more growth than most of my twenties all put together. I made a lot of leaps this year, both physically and metaphorically, and they mostly paid off. I left a job that was slowly killing my creativity, and started a new one that offered me the flexibility to really be there for my family. I gained and let go of freelance gigs, attended my first blogging conference, had my first article published and completed a photography project that was a long-held dream. I created an entire marketing program from scratch for my husband’s IT company. I hosted our first kids’ sleepover and both made and bought lots of treats for class parties. I held feverish babes while they slept and cheered when they accomplished their goals. It was quite a year.

This year has been a strange one for me in terms of personal, emotional and spiritual growth. I knew I was unhappy a year ago, but I couldn’t quite place where the unhappiness was coming from, as, honestly, my life was pretty great. One step at a time I changed bits and pieces of my life until I seemed to find something that fit…not perfectly, mind you, but in such a way I felt a comfort I haven’t known until now. I am working hard every day to be the person I am meant to be, and that person isn’t necessarily who I would’ve thought of a short year ago. I had to re-evaluate what is important to me and what must be a priority in my day in order for me to fall asleep with a smile on my face. Turns out my priorities are pretty simple. I want a simple life, one full of love and laughter, and free from the toxicity which plagued me for years. Before this year, I strove to always feel like the smartest or best liked person in the room. I spent so much time worrying what other people thought of me, and not nearly enough building myself up from the inside out. Turns out, in order to be the best mom, wife, citizen and person I can be, I have to love myself first. The old adage about the oxygen masks on the airplane is so true…you must first put the mask on yourself before helping others. Because what help will you be if you’re passed out on the floor? None, none at all.

So this year, I have spent some much needed time putting on my oxygen mask. And I’m here to tell you…it works. There is a life in me that I hardly recognize. Of course I sound dramatic, but it’s true. I look at photos of myself from only a year ago, and I see such pain in my eyes. Such sadness and a foreboding feeling of never, ever being enough. When I look in the mirror today, I don’t see that. Because no matter what thing I screwed up today or what mistakes I have made, I am a person who is worthy of love and happiness, and that is enough now. It wasn’t always, but it is now.

In my 31st year, I learned how to make mistakes and move on. I learned how to stay in each day, and stop worrying about what the future will bring. I learned all I can do is the next right thing at every moment. I learned to let go of the past. I learned that my worth is not based in how I appear to other people. I learned other people’s opinions only have power over me if I allow their thoughts to become my truths. I learned self-confidence and self-love. I learned that I am not perfect, but being a work in progress is a wonderful thing to be.

So, here’s to 31. I cannot imagine what my 32nd year has in store for me, but I bet it will be pretty damn amazing.

(The photos in this post were taken by the talented Nicole Coleman of Petit Soul Photography. She is a dream. These photos are my happy place. How peaceful and lovely and serene this life is…thank you Nicole.)

A Case of the Mondays in Reverse

September 16, 2013/0 Comments/in Finding My Path, Tate, Work /by Megan

Longest week ever. Between the fevers and the puking and the 911 calls and the ambulances and the no sleep we are a mess. So Popsicles for dinner seemed appropriate. Because we all deserve it. #hellweek #love #motheringainteasy

So, last week happened. And it wasn’t very fun. I mean, sure, there were happy bits here and there (like the photo above, popsicles are always happy), but for the most part, we were a miserable bunch. We all came down with some sort of cold/flu-like business, which seemed to affect everyone a little differently as it passed from person to person. Tate had a high fever for about five days straight, woke up about 10 times a night, was a whiny little monkey, and became the clingiest child ever to hang on to their mom’s leg. Lucy’s looked more like a regular cold, except with a horrid cough. And Miss Lu has a bit of a gagging problem when it comes to horrid coughs, which led to three nights straight cleaning up vomit from her bed/bathroom (OMG so gross I’m sorry, TMI), while she apologized. It affected me more like a sinus infection, with a headache and body aches joining the party.

Then, to top it all off, on Friday evening, Tate got whacked in the head with a swing and promptly passed out, causing us to call 911 and have our first experience in an ambulance. It was extremely traumatic for Tater and I, but everything was fine, and he was up and running around again within the hour. I’ve never been more thankful for helpful and kind neighbors as I was on Friday night. My sweet neighbor not only called 911 for me, but lent me her phone so Tate could watch Mickey Mouse in the ambulance and took care of Lucy so well, she didn’t even realize an ambulance came to the house until later that evening when someone mentioned it in passing.

Today it is rainy and dreary outside, and I’m so happy to be hunkered down with my laptop, coffee and Tate. Before I quit my old job, Mondays were my least favorite day of the week. I had a weekly presentation at 8:30 every Monday morning, and it was like being thrown in a bucket of cold water after a busy weekend with the family. Now, Mondays look much different. And after the chaos of the past few days, I’m so grateful for my Monday. I get up early to make coffee for myself and Trent, and take a good 30 minutes to catch up on emails, blogs, Facebook, Instagram, etc. before anyone else gets up. I then start the very long process of waking Lu up for school, all the while making lunches and packing backpacks. I run her to school while Trent stays home with Tate, and when I get home, Trent heads off to the office. Tate and I then settle in with some cartoons (his choice, which NEVER happens on the weekends, so he is very excited on Monday mornings) and I start in on my work. After a while, we head to the gym where Tate plays and I get those ever-important endorphins going. We usually go grocery shopping for the week as well, and before we know it, it’s time for Tate’s nap. After nap we pick up Lucy from school, and things usually get hectic again from there. But with a nice, gentle Monday morning under our belts, we can handle just about anything.

Re-Entering the Not So Real World

August 1, 2013/1 Comment/in bloglife, Blond, Finding My Path, Happiness /by Megan

It’s August 1st, and I’m pretty excited about it. I’ll be honest, this year, for my annual July hiatus (aka Digital Sabbatical), I took this thing pretty darn seriously. Usually I spend my hiatus frantically trying to complete a list of goals that I set for myself prior to my break (read 5 books, learn Latin, whatever) so I can come back here on August 1st and be all amazing to you guys.

This year, I pretty much threw that plan out the window.

It’s been a weird year thus far, in ways I’m not quite ready to share yet and in ways I already have shared here. There have been some big changes in my life, and while they have been overwhelmingly positive, change is freaking hard. It’s not only hard for the person who is changing, but for everyone around them as well. When one person changes, there is a ripple effect that rolls throughout their family and friends, and all of that can be exhausting. For the first six months of 2013 I felt a bit like a hamster stuck in it’s wheel, just running and running, but never really going anywhere.

So this year when I decided to participate in my annual hiatus (which I skipped last year, I might add), I made the active choice to slow the heck down. To really take a hiatus. I don’t think I’d even touched my desktop computer until yesterday, when I figured I should probably check my email (For the 1,000+ that I missed in July…sorry about that! I’m sure I’ll catch up soon and you’ll be getting a reply. Or maybe you should just resend…). I really and truly stopped working, which is against every fiber of my natural being, but you know what? After the first week or so, it started to feel so very good. Here is what I accomplished this July:

– I read zero books cover to cover, but I did read at least one People Magazine dedicated to the Royal Baby.
– I ran a mile every day…except for those couple of days when I didn’t.
– I watched the first two seasons of Sherlock and many episodes of Keeping Up With the Kardashians.
– I rewatched a lot of shows I love, like the Mindy Project and Parks and Rec.
– I went on a couple of dates with my husband.
– I went to a county fair and rode two rides with my daughter that made her scream with joy and made me want to throw up.
– I took a few pictures. But mostly, I didn’t.
– I posted on Instagram.
– I ate ice cream. I also ate ice cream cake.
– I spent many days at the pool with the kids.
– I worked for my husband’s business, organizing quarterly meetings and other boring corporate stuff like that.
– I finally finished Lucy’s room remodel. Photos coming soon!
– I listened to records on my “new to me” record player.
– I took an obscene amount of naps. I NEVER nap. So this July I figured I should make up for lost time.
– I went to bed early.
– I woke up early…Tate and his bedtime routine are still killing me slowly.
– I spent a lot of time with family.
– I was the mediator for several friendly and not so friendly disagreements between siblings.
– I learned to meditate and actually did it. (I know, I can’t believe it either! Begone, hamster wheel brain!)

I’m sure I’m forgetting some things, but the main point is, I actually took a hiatus. I took a break. It was the best idea I’ve ever had.

Tomorrow we are heading out of town for one last summer road trip (look out Tennessee, here we come!) and then we have a few more days of freedom before school starts. I can’t believe summer is almost over. It makes me want to cry. This has been the best summer of my life so far, and it’s bittersweet to watch it come to a close.