My New Toy
I absolutely must stop entering stores and buying polka-dotted items…
But it’s so hard when they package them with such cute little things…
Why I love our new CABLE TV!!!
1. The Dog Whisperer
2. Best Week Ever
3. The Hills
4. TBS
5. Bridget Jones on our free Encore
6. Law and Order and CSI constantly on
7. BBC America means Coupling for everyone!
8. The DVR stops many fights about who gets to watch what
9. No more late night feedings with P. Diddy, Kelly Clarkson and Jessica Simpson hawking Proactive
My Lumps
So, my boobs are officially planning to take over the universe. I wouldn’t be surprised if my boobs are now on a terrorist watch list and I, being attached to them, will never be able to get through airport security again. I really didn’t think they were that huge, until I had to try on a bridesmaid dress for a certain wedding. My boobs fit into this dress (or should I say did NOT fit into this dress) in the same way that Brittany Spears’ boobs did not fit into the shirt she wore in her oh-so-serious Dateline interview last night. In fact, I think Matt Lauer should interview me about my boobs and the lack of privacy I have been experiencing since the birth of my celebrity baby. Or maybe he could interview me on the seven different types of poop that come out of my baby. Yes, SEVEN. This is strange considering she only eats one type of food (from my famous boobs) 17 times a day…
Reading…
Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay by Stefanie Wilder-Taylor
“Your husband will probably look to you for the answers to all questions baby, and you won’t have a clue either, so you’ll make them up, thus sealing your fate as the go-to baby expert. And now you really will feel like it’s all up to you. It’s a vicious cycle. At some point you might lose it and cry, ‘Who do I have to blow to get some help around here?’ Your husband will immediately answer ‘Me,’ and you’ll say, ‘Oh, never mind.'”
Gardening, Take Two
After last year’s gardening experience I had pretty much given up on trying to grow any sort of plant inside or outside of my house. There are so many naturally occuring weeds in our yard, who really wants to add more plant life?! But, of course, since Lucy seems to be intent on driving my ass up the wall, and I’ve started my maternity leave, I figured, why not try again?
Now, I’m sure you’re probably thinking, “how sweet, she’s nesting!” To you, I’d like to say, “KISS MY BUTT!” (I would say ass, but I’m going to be a mother). It’s not that I have an overwhelming urge to bake and cook and plant flowers, I JUST HAVE NOTHING TO DO AND I’M SO DAMN BORED!!!
Anyway, now we have the broading wild beast gaurding the back porch, hopefully keeping the squirrels and other rascals that ate the 2005 flowers away. Let’s hope she doesn’t try to jump off the deck into the tree. That’s just what we need, a Rottweiler sitting in an oak tree, stalking squirrels.
