Nostalgia (circa 1992)

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In my semi-constant Internet trolling, I often find creative and hilarious sites that far top my little space here at Crazy Bananas. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re sad. And sometimes you just think to yourself, “I can’t believe someone thought of writing about THAT!” And if you’re me, you then think, “I can believe I just wrote something about Horny Goat Weed. I am so lame.”

If you were a young girl between 1989 and 1995, then this site is one you must check out. Remember the great Babysitters’ Club books? This site is dedicated to Claudia Kishi, who you may remember as the fashionista of the group (remember, Dawn was the hippie, Kristy was the jock, there was a smart one too, but I don’t remember her name).

Holy crap, if this stuff doesn’t make you want to bust out your stirrup pants and neon socks, then I don’t know what will:

“I, on the other hand, was dressed in one of my usual wild outfits – a very short black skirt, an oversized white shirt with bright pink and turquoise poodles on it, flat turquoise shoes with ankle straps, and a ton of jewelry, including dangly poodle earrings. My long hair was swept to one side in a high ponytail held in place with a huge pink barrette.”

Or, maybe this little gem…

“Her long hair was fixed in about a million braids which were pulled back and held in place behind her head with a column of puffy ponytail holders. She was wearing a t-shirt she’d painted herself, tight blue pants that ended just past her knees, push-down socks, and no shoes. From her ears dangled small baskets of fruit. She’d made those, I knew. She’d found the baskets and the fruits at a store that sells miniatures and dollhouse furniture. Claudia amazes me.”

And just one more, for the sake of argument…

“I put on my new blue-and-white bikini and over that, a pink sundress with spaghetti straps at the shoulders and big blue buttons down the front. Then I accessorized. I tied a pink-and-blue scarf around my waist, knotting it in the middle, added my snake bracelet and feather earrings, wound my hair up on top of my head, and finally put on these white sandals with long laces that you crisscross up your legs and tie in a bow.”

For more (and you know you want to, just admit it), click here.

Dear Dove,

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Why are you such a big, fat liar? I appreciate all of your wonderful advertisements starring normal women. It’ s a great marketing ploy, getting consumers to buy your products by featuring and empowering all sizes, looks, shapes and races that we can relate to. Really, it’s great. Especially in a world where the 100-pound anorexic automatically gets a full modeling contract and where so-called “celebrities” seem to make more money for each rib they show in their bikinis.

But it doesn’t matter how good your ads make me feel about my cellulite if your products don’t work. And it makes me very pissy when you show examples of the product working on TV which can never be recreated in real life.

Your fancy deoderant is hailed for not only keeping my underarms looking fabulous (because that’s where my husbands looking when he’s hot and heavy, my pits), but also for keeping them dry. You additionally claim this wonder-product won’t show yucky white spots on my dark-colored clothes. In fact, it’s called Dove Invisible Solid. “100% Little Black Dress Approved,” you say.

Bullshit, I say.

Not only does your crappy deoderant NOT keep me dry, in fact, it’s stained several shirts with nasty sweat marks! Shirts that I liked, maybe even loved! In addition, I have NEVER put your product on without getting it all over my dark shirts. On your commercials, you dare women to flip their shirts inside out to prove your deoderant doesn’t cause white marks. Are these women even wearing deoderant? Because every time I take off my shirt at the end of the day it’s covered in nasty, white, powdery smelling gunk!

I have officially switched products and will never use your product again. Too many embarrassing, sweaty meetings and outdoor activites and shirts lost forever for me to forgive you. But thanks for the ego boost with those commercials. That’s still pretty nice.

Sincerely,
Megan

My iPod is Not Lame – Part Deux

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I know you’re all expecting it. Dreading it, perhaps. Knowing that in the past weekend there have been not one, but three airings of the tween hit, High School Musical 2. “What the heck will Megan have to say about this one?” you may be wondering. Or you may just want me to shut the hell up about all of this stuff. You wouldn’t be the only one, trust me.

Before I give a quick rundown of what I thought of the premiere, I just wanted to leave a little disclaimer about all of the crappy entertainment I’ve been writing about lately. I’m sure it’s fairly obvious I’m a 13-year-old kid stuck in the body of an almost 25-year-old working mom. I know it’s dorky. And if I didn’t, there are plenty of people in the last month or so that have driven that point home.

It’s just that I spend each and every day working my butt off. Up at 5 (on a normal day) and working for 9 hours, then picking up Lucy and making dinner and being a mom. Then cleaning up after the husband, the baby, the dog, or whoever else feels like they should leave dishes in my sink and old banana peels and eggshells on my counter. And, sometimes, I just really don’t want to do it anymore. Any of it. It’s too much responsiblity and too stressful. Being a primary caregiver for another person plus bringing in all of the family’s income plus trying to have a life of my own is pretty much impossible, and I feel my whole body start to implode and I just need to do something that makes me smile, but also requires absolutely no brain power.

This may be why I’ve been spending some of my free time reading books written for kids or watching crappy reality TV or patiently waiting [read: obsessing] for some stupid TV movie made for 10-year-old girls. I get that I could probably be spending my time reading War and Peace or watching the new French film that won at Cannes or reading the newspaper. But I can’t. I just can’t. I listen to NPR during my drive to and from work, and that’s about all of the real, horrible world I can deal with an a daily basis.

And really, if watching a bunch of teenagers sing some catchy pop tunes about being yourself and sticking up for your friends and knowing that in two hours everything will end happily ever after makes me feel better about all of the stress in my life, then, seriously, what’s so bad about that?

High School Musical 2

As for the movie, the music and dancing was much, MUCH improved from the original. The self-tanner was a little frightening and my poor little Zac Efron was given a very unfortunate solo dance sequence, which made him look like one half a total freak and one half complete eff-tard. In general, it was a sweet, badly lip-synced, summer chick (very young chick) flick. Even if the watching the movie makes you want to jump off the side of a building, you may enjoy the soundtrack, which has lots of pop songs, mixed with some swing music and showtuney tracks. Which I’ve now added to the list of strange music on my iPod. Bet the whole office will be clamoring to borrow it now!

For any of you who actually are interested, click here to listen to some tracks from the movie. They really are quite cute and catchy. I know at least one of your who ownes a copy of the movie Crossroads starring Britney Spears, don’t make me out you, and I promise, this is no worse than that. I recommend tracks 3, 4 and 6.

My iPod is Not Lame

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A while ago my mother was in town and bought me an iPod. It’s a big ole’ clunker of a device, as it’s a video iPod and needs a big enough screen to view video clips, so it’s not a teeny shuffle or other device that can only be viewed with a microscope. Since my office is an “open office” (read: everyone listens to each other talk on the phone all day) I keep my headphones on a good portion of the time. As do many of my co-workers.

Yesterday someone mentioned it might be a fun idea if we all switched iPods for a day. Get a taste of what everyone else was listening to. Except, of course, no one wants my iPod. They all jumped on the bandwagon of “Megan Listens to Weird Music.” And EVERYONE felt the same.

Now I have as much Justin and Britney on my iPod as the next gal, but I do have some obscure music as well. In general, though, most of it is pretty mainstream. Definitely not uber-alternative. In fact, most hipster-alternative folks would probably think my iPod is crap due to the large number of Dixie Chicks and Bel Biv Devoe tunes.

In short, here is a sampling of the current Top Ten Most Played list on my clunking iPod. There are a few strange, obscure songs, a few Top 40 hits and older music that has been on my computer since freshman year in college when we downloaded everything for free from Napster. Man, do I miss Napster. Free music is good.

Headlock – Imogen Heap (Great beats, crazy video, insane woman…you gotta love that.)
The Luckiest (Live) – Ben Folds (Got this from someone’s wedding video. Cheesy, but very, very sweet.)
Pinch Me – Barenaked Ladies (Reminds me of college and being hungover.)
Attitude – Alient Ant Farm (This song reminds me of Trent, not because he has an attitude, but because he always has random and wonderful taste in music and introduced me to this band way back when.)
Lost Cause – Beck (This song is from Beck’s dark, sad stage and you can just feel dispair in his voice. It used to be on my mix CD called “Rainy Day”)
Rap Song – Black Eyed Peas featuring Wyclef (Back before the Black Eyed Peas became Fergalicious, they were actually a pretty good band.)
Love Burns – Black Rebel Motorcycle Club (This was stolen from a co-worker in college who was a hipster wannabe with really good taste in music. Unfortunately, that good taste did not continue through his wardrobe choices or use of deoderant.)
Good Woman – Cat Power (Same as the last song. I used to listen to this song when I was feeling all angsty about my relationship when I was 20 and it was OH SO COMPLICATED…not like now. Nope, now not complicated at all.)
Tiny Dancer (Live) – Foo Fighters (Great cover based on that scene on the bus from Almost Famous.)
Delirium Trigger – Coheed & Cambria (Sort of recent, I think this is what my co-workers think I’m listening to on repeat every day, as I am such an alternative freak.)

Totally Random Late-Night Post

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I didn’t realize the people who read this site were so crazy about The Hills! Lord. Yes, I watched The Hills on Monday night and was, of course, enthralled, as I obviously have no filter when it comes to horrible television. I always feel bad for poor LC, who just keeps getting screwed over and over again. I worry that she’s becoming a bit of a man-hater and I just want to reach out and shake her and say, “This is not real life! There are better people in the world then all of these wackos you seem to like hanging out with” or “Chin up, kid, things will get better.” But then she’d probably think I was a psycho as she doesn’t know who the hell I am and, hello, did I notice that I’m 24 years old with a toddler and no money and who the HELL am I to be giving advice. Point taken, LC. Just please don’t get back with Jason. Even though he’s a random, not cute bad boy. I know how those can be temping.

Also, as I am additionally a fan of horrible pop music and romantic comedies, I am obviously a fan of Ms. Mandy Moore. I found this random clip of Ms. Moore covering the song Umbrella (originally by Rhianna) and I thought it was pretty damn good. So if you can sit through the time it takes to load the video and deal with the crappy blue screen effects depicting Rhianna doing some sort of strip tease in the background, I’d give it a listen. Unless you’re a jackass hipster urbanite. In which case, why the eff are you reading this blog?!

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