Tick, tick, tick

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Time is just slipping away…crap, it’s Monday. I haven’t written since Thursday. Sorry, people. Here’s a quick rundown of what’s being going on:

-Trent left town for the weekend, leaving me with the child and the dog and no cable TV.
-I spent Saturday night babysitting for three 7-year-olds and Lucy. We watched a lot of cable TV. I realized I am not yet ready to parent older kids when one of the neighbor kids came crying to me that my nephew had called her a dork. My response, “Well, were you acting like a dork?”
-I watched the first two films in the Lord of the Rings series, fast-forwarding through all the scary parts so Lucy wouldn’t freak out.
-Admitted to Trent that I had been hiding a secret roll of toilet paper because I wanted to see how long it would take him to change the empty roll, but, obviously, I needed toilet paper before he changed it. Which took him over a week.
-Oh, and that team that I love. The one where I received twenty emails about how bad they were and how they were “Gay-U” and how fat our coach was? They’re number #13 in the nation. I think I will jump around and scream now.

OK, posting may be sparse for a bit, until this huge project I’m working on for my “real” job is completed. Watch this in my absense.

And then Trent threw the TV out the window

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I’m obsessive, have I mentioned that? And when it comes to movies, it can get really bad. I’ll find a movie I like and then I’ll watch it over and over and over again. I’ll tell little white lies to friends saying, “Why no, I haven’t seen that movie” just so they’ll watch it with me. I’m a freak. And a nerd. And a dork. Amen.

This is why Trent seriously contemplated calling a lawyer and starting divorce proceedings when I discovered High School Musical, because he knew he’d have to watch it a million times or else move out of the house. Things came to a disturbing head this Sunday night when I curled up in bed to watch some movies I’d borrowed from my mother-in-law this weekend, including a new favorite, Pride & Prejudice. In the middle of a very tense scene with Lizzie Bennett and Mr. Darcy, my TV just shut off. The horror! I ran around the house like a crazy person trying to fix it, trying to get my husband to fix it, even trying to get the dumb dog to fix it. Surprisingly, not one of us had any luck, and I think that TV may have to be sent to TV heaven.

So, now I have to watch all of my movies in our living room, therefore having to deal with Trent’s teasing and having to expose that yes, I am watching the same movie I watched yesterday, except I’m fast-forwarding to all of the good parts. And yes, I am crying. Shut up.

Do you want to know what it’s like? To live in my house? To watch movies with a psychopath? Well, thanks to the Internet, I can show you!

First we fast forward through all the crappy stuff, stopping to watch a few scenes here and there, like the one where Mr. Darcy dances with Lizzie at the ball, until we get to this humdinger about halfway through:


Gosh, those two kids are just full of drama aren’t they. But you want them to be together, you know you do. Work it out, guys!

Then you fast forward to the incredibly awkward scene after she refuses to marry him.

I’d run out of there, too, Lizzie. But don’t worry, he still loves you!

See:

Yeah for happy endings! And men walking through the mist. And lines like, “I love. I love. I love you.” Yeah for stuttering!

Then, if you want, you go on the Internet and find the movie trailer, just because you’re a total freak.

Then you find the Harry Potter version of the same trailer, because, apparently, there are people freaker than you on the Internet who seem to have a lot of free time.

Wait, where are you going! You wouldn’t leave would you, we’re just getting to the good stuff!

Crap.

Wherein we spend the weekend arguing by quoting Knocked Up

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“She goes apeshit over bubbles. I wish I loved anything as much as that kid loves bubbles.”

“You wanna have sex tonight?”
“Ugh, I dunno, I’m really gassy. Do you really want to?”
“Why don’t you just wake me up in the morning and we’ll do it then?”
“Whatever.”

“Fuck you, hormones!”

“Your face looks like Robin Williams’ knuckles.”

“You think because you don’t yell, you’re not mean. This is mean.”

“I’m going to murderball you!”

Time Management

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I think it’s pretty obvious to anyone who’s ever met me that I have issues taking on too many projects. I can’t help it. I get so excited about trying something new, and then trying something else, and WAIT, there’s something else I’d like to do, that I overbook myself on a semi-weekly basis.

But this week, I have to budget my time wisely. Very. Very. Wisely. You see, when a certain person has lost a large amount of their monthly income, they have to get rid of certain amenities. One of those, for us, was cable TV. Lord, how I miss being able to record my favorite shows, then plop down on the couch on Saturday night (yes, I am a loser) and watch them back to back. Gawd, I miss not worrying when I’m going to get home from work or when the baby goes to sleep because, hell, I’ll just start recording my show then fast-forward through all the commericals! Perfect!

Well, it’s perfect no longer. Not only am I starved for anything that isn’t a rerun because of our lack of cable, I also have a zillion shows I’m dying to see during this wonderful premiere week, and, honestly, I may have to give up everything else. Including eating, feeding my family, working, changing dirty diapers and vacuuming. Especially those last two.

For example, here’s my monday night.
Dancing with the Stars
Dancing with the Stars at 7 p.m., which I’ve gotten away with watching in the past because Lulu loves to dance and I make her do the moves with me. Trent despises this.

Heroes
Heroes at 8 p.m. Save the cheerleader, save the world! Who knew mutants could be so good looking?

The Hills
And The Hills at 9, because everyone needs to watch some rich, snotty 20-year-olds fight about who leaked their sex tape. And I’m not afraid to be the person who tells the world what they’re missing.

And it only gets worse from there. Tuesday won’t be too bad, with another episode of Dancing with the Stars as my only real program, but then there’s Wednesday, with a Dancing with the Stars results show and a new horrible guilty pleasure called Gossip Girl on the CW and the first episode of Private Practice, the Grey’s Anatomy spin off. Then, of course, we have The Office and Grey’s Anatomy on Thursday, but this schedule may change, as Grey’s started to suck some serious goat balls last year. I’m willing to give it one more chance, but, as you can see, I have little time for crappy TV. Or anything else. Like the outdoors. Or my husband. Eh, who needs a social life, anyway.

Happy Friday

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What did I get for my birthday (besides my Kiva gift certificate and a shirt from the Limited and a wonderful picnic lunch and a card with penguins on it)? A nasty, yucky, disgusting cold. Boo. I’m all stuffy and sneezy and grumpy. Basically I’m all of the seven dwarfs wrapped up into one very congested person.

So, in order to bring out the happy dwarf, here is a music video you’ve probably all seen on that one iPod commercial by Fiest. It makes me smile.

Now you’re going to be singing this song all day, just like me. Also, I think all people should all have a blue, sparkly jumpsuit. The world would be a better place.

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