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I had big aspirations to write a lovely, lengthy post about all the differences between new motherhood with Lu and my current state of baby nirvana with Tate…but then I realized the biggest difference is the lack of time. Several times in the last few days I had to stop and say to myself, “Is what you are focusing on really that important?” And each time, the answer was no. I had this strange idea that I would get so much done during my maternity leave. I had tasks and ideas and projects all ready in waiting to be tackled by my uber-productive post-partum self. But, alas, it was not to be. And not for the reasons you think.

I have tons of energy (considering the sleep I’m not getting), Lucy is still attending full day preschool (if we take her out, she’d lose her spot, so we pay regardless), and it’s the middle of winter (less outdoor work in general). But, still, the days go by so quickly. They start at 4:30 or 5 and don’t end until midnight, and yet I feel there is never enough time. I’m lucky to get two or three things accomplished during the day, and even then, I feel totally frazzled. But most of the reason I am so unproductive is because of this:

He’s laughing. Already.

Sometimes when I’m nursing him in the quiet awesomeness of my bed, my head starts to wander and I start to make to-do lists for the day. And just when I’m wondering if the feeding will ever be DONE ALREADY, I look down and my little Bubba (yes, I’ve taken to calling him Bubba…I know, I know) breaks about into that fantastic grin and I think, “What the hell am I worrying about?” I only get five more weeks of this daily fun, and then it’s back to my daily work grind. Screw the to-do list, I just want to hang with my little dude, snuggling and loving on him as much as possible. And that’s exactly what I’m planning on doing.

So the biggest difference this time around…more selfishness. Less answering of the phone, less cleaning and cooking and stepford wifery. More pizza and mac n’ cheese and movie nights in the big bed. And less giving a crap if the way I’m doing it offends or annoys anyone. Sorry people, I’m busy. I’ve got a Bubba to squeeze.