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A few months back I finally got myself together and decided to buy myself a big girl purse. I’d been living out of crappy Target bags that wear out after three months and diaper bags that are just gross (spilled milk…blech), and I really wanted to spend some dough on a bag that would last. I found myself an awesome hobo bag on super clearance at a Coach outlet in Dallas last fall, and it has become my siamese twin. I carry that thing everywhere. The color, shape and size make it an easy match for most outfits and it transitions to night fairly easily. Plus, it’s large enough to keep a small bag inside for fancy nights out if I want to switch it around a bit and not haul 30 lbs with me all night.

See? Cute!

Seriously, the thing weighs a metric ton, so today I decided to dump it and figure out what the heck I was carrying around all day. Here’s the view of it all packed up.

And here is everything laid out for the world to see. You guys, prepare yourselves. This is bananas.

WHO HAS THAT MUCH CRAP IN THEIR PURSE?! Me. That’s who.

Here is the rundown of what I’m hauling around all day:

1. Nook Color – Love it. Smaller and cheaper than an iPad, great for reading books/magazines and watching Netflix on demand. This is the perfect kid silencer.

2. Wallet – Unfortunately not full of $100 bills.

3. Umbrella – Found at H&M.

4. Socks – In case of impromptu bowling. No, not kidding. That’s why they are there.

5. Fingerless Gloves – Found at H&M. Spring can be a bit chilly in Kansas.

6. Diapers – Seventh Generation brand to ease my non-cloth-diapering guilt.

7. 4 GB Memory Card – For my DSLR camera…which I’m not carrying in this purse. Thank god.

8. Checkbook – With additional kid related papers inside.

9. Wayfarer Sunglasses – Found at Urban Outfitters.

10. Keys – On a bird keychain that doubles as a whistle and has it’s own house right by my front door. Adorable.

11. Deodorant – I gots to be smellin’ fresh.

12. Radio Station Paper Coaster – Given to me by my little bro to remind me of his new radio show (Mondays at noon!).

13. Gift Tag – The tag that hung from the bottle of wine, which we saved from our wedding day to drink last week on our anniversary.

14. Face Blotting Papers – Found at M.A.C.

15. Tiny Notebook and Pens – For ideas on the run. And grocery lists.

16. Nailpolish – Essie brand found at Target. Color is “Meet Me at Sunset.”

17. Business Cards – For work.

18. Purell Wipes – For dirty children.

19. Keycard – For my office.

20. Band-Aids – For boo boos.

21. Denver Magnet – Still in my purse from New Years Eve.

22. Wine Bottle Opener – Because you never know when you may need one…

23. More Purell – I have kids, have I mentioned that?

24. Makeup – L to R, Smith’s Rosebud Salve (chapstick), Charlotte Ronson Lipstick/Stain (mentioned here), Make Up for Ever Aqua Lip Pencil in True Red, M.A.C. Select Cover-Up Concealer, Make Up Forever Professional Rouge Artist Intense Lipstick in Moulin Rouge.

25. Cell Phones – Yes, two of them. A working Droid and a highjacked iPhone that I use for an iPod/Instagram.

26. Evian Facial Spray – Freshens me up when I’m looking craggy and also makes a hilarious water gun type toy to entertain wily children.

27. Mini Coach Wristlet Bag – Just in case I want to ditch the suitcase.

28. Samsung Point and Shoot Camera – Not pictured because it was taking the pictures.

I mean, whoa, you guys. That’s a lot of stuff. It may be time to slim down the purse a bit. Or buy stock in chiropractors. Either way, someone wins. Someone who is apparently not me.