A few years ago, when I was new into my recovery, I started working on cultivating a gratitude practice. I had worked on being more grateful in the past, but I never really stuck with it. I knew that being thankful and paying attention to all the good things in my life would make me a happier person, but I couldn’t seem to be able to keep myself consistent.
Then, around two years ago, I joined a “Gratitude Group” with a few other friends in recovery. The purpose of the group was to send each other a list of things we were grateful for every day. The hope was that by having others who were practicing with us, we’d all be more accountable and this practice would become a habit. We started out in a private Facebook Group, and then moved over to What’s App for a while (some of the members lived in other countries, so texting was too expensive). I loved that group, but after a year or so, it fizzled out. Nothing horrible happened, we all just sort of moved on to other ways of working on gratitude and recovery. However, one member and I decided to keep it going, and we still send messages (almost) every day with three things we are grateful for. We share huge and tiny things, but just the act of looking at my day and finding something to be happy about makes me a better person. I love this woman and being able to share my happy moments, large and small, with someone and receive her good news is such a gift!
Recently, I decided to try an additional, creative gratitude practice. While I love sending my daily messages to my “Gratitude Buddy,” I was finding myself stressed out about it! Yes, I was stressed about being grateful. I know, I know. But the ease of having it right on my phone meant often I was just realizing I needed to send my list at the last minute and rushing through the process. I’d quickly come up with a few things and send it off, without really thinking about it.
Recently I was browsing Instagram (I’m so grateful for Instagram!) when I came across a photo in the feed of one of my favorite planner shops, the Get to Work Book. In their feed, they featured a photo where someone used their monthly layout in the planner to sketch out their gratitudes. I thought it was such an awesome idea!!! And since I have a Get to Work Book and rarely use the monthly spreads (I mostly use the weekly spreads and use my online calendar for monthly to-do’s) it was the perfect solution! Now, I am NOT an artist or illustrator…my drawings often look like my six-year-old created them, but I thought it was a fun way for me to sit down every day and REALLY THINK about what I was grateful for, and then spend some time drawing it. I’ve found it to be a fantastic way to end my day and to slow down when I feel my brain spinning out of control.
I still text my daily list to my “Gratitude Buddy,” but I’m finding this illustration practice is an amazing addition to my life. I love looking at past months, seeing what I drew (and let’s be honest, laughing at my drawing skills) and remembering how truly lucky I am.
http://www.crazybananas.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/2017-04-19_0001.jpg533800Meganhttp://www.crazybananas.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Crazy_Banans_Logo_WebsiteBanner.pngMegan2017-04-19 21:32:012017-04-19 21:32:01A New Gratitude Practice
There are days when I wake up and know exactly what I want to do with my life. I want to help people. I want to make a difference. I want to create change.
But then there are days when I just want to wake up and feel nothing. To feel numb and empty. Because maybe it would be easier.
Four years ago I decided that numb wasn’t worth it. Sure, there were days when it felt easier, but I was never going to be able to get where I needed to go if I couldn’t feel anything. I know that I am very sensitive. I’ve been told that all my life, mostly by people who wanted to relieve their own guilt for being cruel.
“You’re too sensitive.”
“I didn’t mean it like that. Why are you so emotional?”
“You take things too seriously.”
And I believed them. I believed that I was broken and wrong, so I built up my armor so no one would be able to hurt me again. My armor was made of humor and sarcasm and wit. I fought the world with my words and my brain. I had to be the smartest person in the room, so no one could tell me (again) that I was doing it wrong. I had to be the best. There was no second place in my world.
But.
Armor is not permanent. It gets rusty and after a while a few screws loosen up. Before you know it, you’re standing in front of a firing squad and all your defenses are gone. You have no skills, no way to escape.
So, you just decide to stop the fight. It is the worst moment of your life.
It is the best moment of your life.
The last four years have been long and short. I look at my kids, and see how quickly it passed. Four years is a blink of the eye and they’ve grown a foot. My diaper-clad toddler now plays soccer and can do math. My 1st grader with the lisp and the missing teeth now fits into my flip flops. They don’t remember what I was like before, and that is a gift.
This past year I have watched as the world has seemed to fall apart around me. I saw hopelessness, fear and anger like never before. I have seen it and KNOWN what to do. Because I’ve been through all of this before.
When I got sober four years ago I couldn’t imagine handling conflict with grace, speaking up when it’s unpopular or being kind to those I disagree with. But as I’ve moved through recovery, I learned. My tiny piece of the world split into a million pieces and I had to bring it all back together. I learned how to disagree, to love, and to speak out. I learned that fear is NOT the boss of me. Fear can fuck off, frankly. I became open about my sobriety and my journey and I found that I have nothing to fear.
I don’t know…I don’t really believe all things happen for a reason, but maybe sometimes they do. Maybe I had to go through all that pain and suffering so I could be the person I need to be in the world we are living in now?
Woman.
Partner.
Mother.
Artist.
Writer.
Photographer.
Advocate.
Activist.
Community Leader.
Maybe I had to get sober four years ago because the world needs sober Megan more than ever.
Maybe this is how we change everything.
“I am the one thing in life I can control. I am inimitable, I am an original. I’m not falling behind or running late. I’m not standing still, I am lying in wait. Life doesn’t discriminate between the sinners and the saints. It takes and it takes and it takes, and we keep living anyway. We rise and we fall and we break and we make our mistakes. And if there’s a reason I’m still alive, when so many have died, then I’m willing to wait for it.” – Aaron Burr,
from “Hamilton: An American Musical”
http://www.crazybananas.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/2017-04-17_0001.jpg533800Meganhttp://www.crazybananas.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Crazy_Banans_Logo_WebsiteBanner.pngMegan2017-04-16 19:30:292017-04-17 12:32:51Wait for It
A few weeks ago I reached out to my social media followers with a question: Would you rather listen to a podcast or watch a video blog (aka, a vlog)? The answers surprised me a little! Podcast won the vote, but not by much, and many people said it was too hard to choose, because they like each medium, but for different reasons.
I mean, yes. That’s why I asked?! I couldn’t decide, so I was hoping my readers and followers would do it for me. But no dice. Rats.
So what did I decide to do….?
Being a Type A, recovering perfectionist, I decided to try both! The current plan is for the vlog to show a bit of behind the scenes and possibly also some “how-to” type segments, while the podcast is going to be an interview series focused on women who are totally amazing! My goal with the podcast is to talk with other women who have achieved some form of success (in their career, as an activist or advocate, creative, entrepreneur, mother, or just as a human doing good in the world) about how they have failed along the way and what motivated them to keep moving forward.
Do you know someone like that? Bonus if they are from KC or the midwest! Have them send me an email at megan@crazybananas.com or tag them in the comments if you think they’d be interested in being featured! And if you think YOU have a unique story to share, send me a note! I want to talk with you!
The Vlog and the Podcast will be coming out soon, so if you want to be sure you don’t miss them, sign up for the Crazy Bananas Newsletter!
http://www.crazybananas.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/Podcast-vs-Vlog.jpg372658Meganhttp://www.crazybananas.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Crazy_Banans_Logo_WebsiteBanner.pngMegan2017-04-11 13:10:202017-04-11 13:10:20The Great Debate : Podcast vs Vlog
A New Gratitude Practice
/0 Comments/in Happiness, Heath + Wellness /by MeganA few years ago, when I was new into my recovery, I started working on cultivating a gratitude practice. I had worked on being more grateful in the past, but I never really stuck with it. I knew that being thankful and paying attention to all the good things in my life would make me a happier person, but I couldn’t seem to be able to keep myself consistent.
Then, around two years ago, I joined a “Gratitude Group” with a few other friends in recovery. The purpose of the group was to send each other a list of things we were grateful for every day. The hope was that by having others who were practicing with us, we’d all be more accountable and this practice would become a habit. We started out in a private Facebook Group, and then moved over to What’s App for a while (some of the members lived in other countries, so texting was too expensive). I loved that group, but after a year or so, it fizzled out. Nothing horrible happened, we all just sort of moved on to other ways of working on gratitude and recovery. However, one member and I decided to keep it going, and we still send messages (almost) every day with three things we are grateful for. We share huge and tiny things, but just the act of looking at my day and finding something to be happy about makes me a better person. I love this woman and being able to share my happy moments, large and small, with someone and receive her good news is such a gift!
Recently, I decided to try an additional, creative gratitude practice. While I love sending my daily messages to my “Gratitude Buddy,” I was finding myself stressed out about it! Yes, I was stressed about being grateful. I know, I know. But the ease of having it right on my phone meant often I was just realizing I needed to send my list at the last minute and rushing through the process. I’d quickly come up with a few things and send it off, without really thinking about it.
Recently I was browsing Instagram (I’m so grateful for Instagram!) when I came across a photo in the feed of one of my favorite planner shops, the Get to Work Book. In their feed, they featured a photo where someone used their monthly layout in the planner to sketch out their gratitudes. I thought it was such an awesome idea!!! And since I have a Get to Work Book and rarely use the monthly spreads (I mostly use the weekly spreads and use my online calendar for monthly to-do’s) it was the perfect solution! Now, I am NOT an artist or illustrator…my drawings often look like my six-year-old created them, but I thought it was a fun way for me to sit down every day and REALLY THINK about what I was grateful for, and then spend some time drawing it. I’ve found it to be a fantastic way to end my day and to slow down when I feel my brain spinning out of control.
I still text my daily list to my “Gratitude Buddy,” but I’m finding this illustration practice is an amazing addition to my life. I love looking at past months, seeing what I drew (and let’s be honest, laughing at my drawing skills) and remembering how truly lucky I am.
Wait for It
/0 Comments/in Recovery /by MeganThere are days when I wake up and know exactly what I want to do with my life. I want to help people. I want to make a difference. I want to create change.
But then there are days when I just want to wake up and feel nothing. To feel numb and empty. Because maybe it would be easier.
Four years ago I decided that numb wasn’t worth it. Sure, there were days when it felt easier, but I was never going to be able to get where I needed to go if I couldn’t feel anything. I know that I am very sensitive. I’ve been told that all my life, mostly by people who wanted to relieve their own guilt for being cruel.
“You’re too sensitive.”
“I didn’t mean it like that. Why are you so emotional?”
“You take things too seriously.”
And I believed them. I believed that I was broken and wrong, so I built up my armor so no one would be able to hurt me again. My armor was made of humor and sarcasm and wit. I fought the world with my words and my brain. I had to be the smartest person in the room, so no one could tell me (again) that I was doing it wrong. I had to be the best. There was no second place in my world.
But.
Armor is not permanent. It gets rusty and after a while a few screws loosen up. Before you know it, you’re standing in front of a firing squad and all your defenses are gone. You have no skills, no way to escape.
So, you just decide to stop the fight. It is the worst moment of your life.
It is the best moment of your life.
The last four years have been long and short. I look at my kids, and see how quickly it passed. Four years is a blink of the eye and they’ve grown a foot. My diaper-clad toddler now plays soccer and can do math. My 1st grader with the lisp and the missing teeth now fits into my flip flops. They don’t remember what I was like before, and that is a gift.
This past year I have watched as the world has seemed to fall apart around me. I saw hopelessness, fear and anger like never before. I have seen it and KNOWN what to do. Because I’ve been through all of this before.
When I got sober four years ago I couldn’t imagine handling conflict with grace, speaking up when it’s unpopular or being kind to those I disagree with. But as I’ve moved through recovery, I learned. My tiny piece of the world split into a million pieces and I had to bring it all back together. I learned how to disagree, to love, and to speak out. I learned that fear is NOT the boss of me. Fear can fuck off, frankly. I became open about my sobriety and my journey and I found that I have nothing to fear.
I don’t know…I don’t really believe all things happen for a reason, but maybe sometimes they do. Maybe I had to go through all that pain and suffering so I could be the person I need to be in the world we are living in now?
Woman.
Partner.
Mother.
Artist.
Writer.
Photographer.
Advocate.
Activist.
Community Leader.
Maybe I had to get sober four years ago because the world needs sober Megan more than ever.
Maybe this is how we change everything.
The Great Debate : Podcast vs Vlog
/0 Comments/in bloglife, Podcast, Videos /by MeganA few weeks ago I reached out to my social media followers with a question: Would you rather listen to a podcast or watch a video blog (aka, a vlog)? The answers surprised me a little! Podcast won the vote, but not by much, and many people said it was too hard to choose, because they like each medium, but for different reasons.
I mean, yes. That’s why I asked?! I couldn’t decide, so I was hoping my readers and followers would do it for me. But no dice. Rats.
So what did I decide to do….?
Being a Type A, recovering perfectionist, I decided to try both! The current plan is for the vlog to show a bit of behind the scenes and possibly also some “how-to” type segments, while the podcast is going to be an interview series focused on women who are totally amazing! My goal with the podcast is to talk with other women who have achieved some form of success (in their career, as an activist or advocate, creative, entrepreneur, mother, or just as a human doing good in the world) about how they have failed along the way and what motivated them to keep moving forward.
Do you know someone like that? Bonus if they are from KC or the midwest! Have them send me an email at megan@crazybananas.com or tag them in the comments if you think they’d be interested in being featured! And if you think YOU have a unique story to share, send me a note! I want to talk with you!
The Vlog and the Podcast will be coming out soon, so if you want to be sure you don’t miss them, sign up for the Crazy Bananas Newsletter!