All I Need is My Own Shopping Cart

Hi. It’s me. I rule.

No really, check me out. I’m a homeless hobo hoping for a nickel or maybe a hot cup of coffee. Spike that with some bourbon and I’ll give you a kiss. Yes, you heard me. A kiss. Smooch. Un baccio. Don’t lie, you are really excited, aren’t you?

If you are wondering if I left the house in this ensemble, the answer would be yes. Yes I did. I walked up the street to our mailbox and back. My neighbors peered out their windows and shuddered. I should add I was also wearing a knee length army coat with a fur hood, fleece sweatpants and Uggs.

I think I’m going to use this as my headshot from here on out. Set low expectations and then when people meet me in person they will be all, “OMIGOD YOU LOOK SO NICE!” or “You are such a underrated beauty!” or “Aw, did you find a warm place to stay last night with a shower?”

You know, whatever.