Angry

I’m not a person who gets angry. I’ll get upset, frustrated, even frazzled, but rarely angry. I hardly ever get to a point where my blood is boiling and smoke is coming out of my ears and I can’t even think straight. But that’s where I am right now.

The biggest problem is, I’m not sure who to blame for my current situation. Whose fault is it when you get screwed over by someone? Is it your own fault, for trusting that person in the first place? Should you have checked and re-checked, to ensure you were going to get the result you deserved in the end? Or sometimes are people just absolute fuck-tards who treat other people like shit and get away with it because of some junior high monarchal mentality?

What hurts so much is not the money I will lose because of this certain person’s thoughtlessness, but the time I spent working on a project I was very proud of, which will now never see the light of day. The hours and hours coding and converting and editing, which were hours I could have spent doing something more productive. Like mainlining vodka.

People have told me I need to get over this. I need to move on. Live and learn. Next time, don’t trust people. But I hate that. I want to trust people. I want to be naive enough to think people will follow through with their committments. I want the fact that I think that way not to mean that I’m naive, just an optimist.

But most of all, I want to hit rewind, and not watch the hours and hours of homevideos I had to review for this project. And I want to spend that time with my daughter and husband and friends. But I can’t have that, can I?

See? Now I’m angry again.

Updated: Read this. Seriously, read it. It took away all of my anger and made me believe in something better. At least for a moment.