Another One Bites the Dust

Another camrade is taking the plunge. While Trent and I are fighting over him wanting a prenup (My left tit! There is no FUCKING way! How else will I make my millions?), my friends are marrying themselves off left and right. Last weekend I received an early morning text message saying, “call me as soon as you get up!” The exclamation point had me worried. Either someone had died, she had an inoperable brain tumor, or she was getting engaged. What’s in door number 3?

You guessed it.

So in order to truly fulfill her life as a singleton, I will now post embarrassing pictures of her during her carefree college days, when she could never even IMAGINE the big M-word.

Don’t worry, I wouldn’t be THAT big of a bitch to just embarrass my own personal Christina. Check out me in the hideous wig and lovely Sharpie tatoo. I was also wearing some sexy thigh-highs under my horrific skirt. And don’t forget the platforms covered in sparkly glue. I know. You never knew sexy until this moment. You’re welcome.

I love you, Woman. And I’m glad you’re gitten hitched. Please have an open bar. And do not allow me to don a wig. No matter how much I beg.