Critics make me barf

Once upon a time there was a young girl who was starting a new chapter in her life. She thought she had it all; a great job, a loving boyfriend, good friends and endless dreams for the future.

Then she woke up, went to the job she loathed with all of her being, listened to a crazy, old lady talk about her cats for 8 hours strait, came home and watched reruns of Friends for 3 hours, got drunk alone on a bottle of wine and then passed out on her bathroom floor.

Now, the one great thing about the second senario is that it made for easy topics on this here Internet blog site. The first senario, though a bit overstated, is just not as funny to write about. Somewhere in all of this writing, I thought, “Maybe I shouldn’t write things about people I couldn’t (or wouldn’t) say to their faces.” Again, thanks Dooce. But apparently, this philosophy has deeply saddened some of my readers.

Obviously, I don’t have that many readers here at crazybananas dot com, but the few I have are getting their pantys all in a twist (Hi Heath!) over the lack of cynical bullshit writing in the last few weeks. Apparently, I’ve only had one post worth reading since I switched jobs, so I’d like to give thanks to gay, hispanics who dream of recreating that loving feeling.

The two cynics in bitchier times…

Personally, I think these critics (Hi Heath!) are just sad bastards who are bored at work and are pissed they don’t have anything to read, or anyone to bitch with. As promised, I won’t say anything on this site I wouldn’t say to your face (Hi Heath!). But I do understand their pain. The world of a person who is so intelligent and completely underutilized and bored out of his or her mind is complete crap. Until three weeks ago, this was me. Poking my eyes out. With dull pencils. Drunk. On the floor. Of the bathroom.

And this is still me. I still want to shove dull objects through my skull several times a day. Not just because of work though. Add in the CEO of QVC and a dog that is the equivilant of 2-year-old child who drinks out of the toilet or my constant frustration with my Bearded companion, and BRING ON THE CYNICISM!

Trust me, after this weekend at the lake with our regional CEO and the brain of NASA (known to civilians as my parents) AND the Bearded Wonder, I should have PLENTY to write about.