Foiled again.

Last night I rented a movie, which must not be named because it was a movie I had already seen with a certain friend who made me watch it with a bunch of girls. When I watch sappy movies with females (or males or monkeys) I tend to get extremely embarrassed. Yes, I can say “bonk” and “ejaculatory specimen” in a library, but I do not like watching sappy movies with others. My signature move is the “Face Hiding in the Neck of the Shirt.” I look like a turtle who’s in time-out. Ask anyone who’s watched Sex in the City with me. It’s especially bad during kissing scenes. The worst are the ones without a soundtrack so you can hear all the smacking and slurping. Ughhh. It makes me want to vomit.

So, last night I watched this particular movie for the second time. The first time, with all of the females, I made several penis jokes and made fun of the whole movie. I was actually told, by a very good friend, that she would NEVER watch a movie with me again after that experience.

To this friend: I watched it last night. Alone. Bawled my eyes out. Then put on my boyfriends football jersey (????) and went to bed. Unfortunately, the football jersey did not have the stimulating effects that I had hoped for. All it did was make my boyfriend think of high school football, which did not, surprisingly, turn him on. And then he couldn’t sleep. I really need to work on my foreplay techniques.