Why I haven’t written.

My weekend was full of surprises. It was supposed to be a quiet one. It started out like this.

My original Friday night plans. We then moved on to drinking heavily with some of Trent’s friends from home (Hi Justin! Hi Josh!). I became known as the cockblocker (or as Josh so kindly put it, “not a cockblock, just a bitch). I then passed out facing the wrong was on my bed while watching Sideways. The boys then attempted to feed the dog some Skoal.

Then, after a drama-filled Saturday with Mikayla, Trent and his buddy Heath (boyfriend of Mikayla and self-proclaimed genius who’s graduating with his Master’s Degree on Friday, that bastard!) decided they truly do care very deeply for each other.

Then I was burned beyond recognition at Heath and Mikayla’s pool on Sunday. No, Mikayla, I didn’t get ‘color,’ I got extremely red and I can barely sit down. I am wimpering in pain as I sit and write this. Thank God for Sooth-A-Caine. I should be a walking advertisement for that shit!!! Whoever decided to put numbing agents in aloe is a genius. I will gladly bow at your feet Mr. Banana Boat. Actually, that would be a clever marketing ploy. Crazy Bananas and Banana Boat. I can just hear our Jamaican jingle.

Forgive me. I have no sense of humor when crispy.