On Being a Wife

This weekend I was lucky enough to attend the wedding of two fairly awesome people. Heath and Mikayla, who have been constant comrades of Trent and myself for the last four years, were finally joined as husband and wife. Their wedding was gorgeous, touching, and most importantly, very “them.” From the colors to the music to their poignent, self-written vows, each part of the ceremony and reception reminded me of who they are, both individually and as a couple.

One very important detail I took away from this wonderful weekend is the importance of a strong relationship, and more specifically, the importance of being a good wife. I’m sure most of you never thought you’d hear those words come out of my feminist, progressive, self-sufficient mouth, but just hear me out.

One of the points in Mikayla’s vows really touched me, and that was the part where she promised to be a good wife to him and fulfill his “many” needs. Though we all chuckled at that statement, I knew deep down she meant it. Sometimes our husbands do need quite a lot. And though it is my automatic reaction to bitch and moan and complain about how his needs aren’t more important than my own, sometimes I just need to suck it up and do what I can to make him feel better. And that doesn’t make me less of a feminist. In fact, I feel more empowered knowing that I can make him feel better when no one else can. I need to remember that when I begin to automatically get defensive. Sometimes he needs things, and sometimes I need to be the wife that he needs.

There is a saying that Heath has always repeated when it comes to certain couples, and it was the way he ended his vows to Mikayla this Saturday. When he feels that a man has gotten a better woman than he deserves, he’ll say that person has “outkicked his coverage.” Both Heath and Trent will readily admit that they outkicked their coverage when it comes to their wives, but I need to do my best to remember I outkicked mine as well. I have to try and remember more often that I’m not only a mother and a breadwinner, but also a life partner to someone who needs my support, even when I am not sure I can give it. Mikayla has always excelled at that, putting Heath’s needs before her own and holding her tounge when I have unwisely let my sarcastic side out of it’s cage. I’m so happy I get to watch her, and Heath, as they grow in their marriage. I’m lucky to have someone around that puts being a wife in a perspective that I don’t always notice during my daily trials and tribulations.

Heath and Mikayla, may you always be as happy together as you were this weekend. And when you’re not, may you remember your own words. Sometimes we all need to remember we outkicked our coverage, and put the other person’s needs before our own. Thank you for reminding me that doing this doesn’t make me a weaker partner, but a stronger one.

You can see the very few photos I took (no time, too much fun to be had for photo taking!) at the wedding/rehearsal here.