Guest Banana: The Truth About Alabama

As has been previously mentioned, a few months ago my no-longer-pregnant buddy, Abbie, moved away and left me here to rot. OK, that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but she did move away, to Alabama of all places, and has been spending many weeks trying to adjust to a whole new world. Just a few weeks ago I called her, and she informed me that she was sitting in her basement during a tornado warning, which was taking place due to whatever hurricane was currently in the area.

So I decided to have Abbie write some guest posts about her trek to this new, foreign land. Here’s the first of (hopefully) many. Enjoy!

I am so honored to have been asked by my best friend, Meg, to write a guest post. Although I’m not the talented writer that she is, I will attempt to not bore you all to death.

When my first born child, Carson, a.k.a. C-Man, was three months old, my dear husband informed me we were packing up and moving to Auburn, Alabama, as he was offered a pretty kick ass job with the Auburn Athletics Department. So in less than a month, we bought a house, packed up, and headed to the semi-great state of Alabama. I have been a Kansas girl my whole life and I am amazed that although I still live in the continental United States, I am in a whole different culture full of bibles, SEC Football and boiled peanuts.

#1: I can’t understand a word people say here. When our 800 pound mover was trying to teach me the “Southern Language,” I was a little disturbed that he asked me if I had ever eaten foreskin. After five minutes I realized I couldn’t understand his heavy accent, and it turns out he was actually asking if I’d ever eaten pork skin. 90 percent of my day is spent responding with the word, “What???” because I again, didn’t understand what was said to me. I have settled with the fact the people here think I am deaf.

#2: Never say “Oh My God” – I learned that the hard way when I said those exact words to our realtor (on accident) and I got the look that said my fate was certain to hold eternal damnation in the depths of hell. However, upon moving to this state, IMMEDIATELY begin saying “ya’ll” or you will never fit in.

#3: Unless I want to join a bible study, I will never make a friend in this state! – Which leads to #4.

#4: Kansas IS NOT the Bible Belt.

#5: Ants, Bugs, and MORE Ants!! Do not try to take on Fire Ants because you will most certainly lose. It is sad that the C-Man will never enjoy the luxury of playing on a swing set in our backyard for fear the ants will claim his swing as their holy ground. Poor kid.

#6: Here comes the sappy one – Don’t hate on Kansas. I am aware of all the flaws Kansas presents, but overall, it is a really wonderful place. At least to me, Kansas is the place where my family is and all my best friends are.

#7: I am amazingly caught up on every MTV show in existence due to my impending boredom. During Carson’s nap I immerse myself in the glory of MTV. Parental Control, Busted, The Hills, and dare I say the beginning of Paris Hilton’s quest to find a new BFF. Okay, even I won’t go there.

There are a few good things about my new state, however, I will keep searching for those things and present them in a later guest post.

Signing Out From Alabama,
Abbie